Terrible Thrills
by Elunette
Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion keeps them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. Sebastian/Ciel. BL.
1. The Beginning

My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o

Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?

Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash.

The air was thin, but slightly tainted with cold. But that barely bothered Ciel, he had too many other things to worry about tonight, like for example why the Queen had refused to give him information. But even that, the most important part of his "job" wasn't enough to keep his mind from wandering to worry all about Sebastian, that stupid demon. Lately, he had noticed Sebastian seemed distant, he seemed to be afraid to undress him, speak to him, even look at him!

---

This morning he woke up to no Sebastian at all, he wandered around looking for him, then finally went to check in the last place he'd think Sebastian would be in the middle of the day, his own room. But Sebastian was there, he could hear him loud and clear. He was speaking to someone, Ciel could hear the nervousness twist it's way from inside him into every word that was spat out of his mouth. Ciel listened closely, "I've been wanting to tell you this..", Ciel gasped and looked around then continued, "-ster, but haven't been able to get to it. See, a demon with a contract isn't supposed to be in love with a human. Even so, a demon isn't supposed to feel love at all." What? What's he talking about? Ciel stared at the door, backing away. If he opened it and there was some girl in there, Ciel would be beyond ticked. But he didn't expect it, or rather he tried to deny he heard that and the thought of his butler liking or coming to even love anyone besides him. Besides that, I mean, no where in the contract he got himself into did it mention the "Your demonic butler may at times act like a 12 year old love struck girl" warning. Lost in thoughts, Ciel hadn't noticed that a few minutes had passed and he was still standing stiff outside Sebastian's door. But his thoughts were soon pushed to the back off his mind, as his demonic butler casually opened the door, not even showing a hint of astonishment as he found the cute, surprised, small boy outside his door.

"U-Uhm.." Ciel stuttered innocently glaring at Sebastian, but then shifting his eyes to look at something he found to be less interesting, perhaps the floor.

"Young Master?" Sebastian voice came out soothingly, leaking confusion in his tone. To say Sebastian was confused would be an understatement, he had sensed someone outside his door, but didn't expect it to be his master. Sebastian couldn't fight back and mask his confusion, he had done enough of masking his emotions by hiding the shock and pain he felt when he saw how hurt his Young Master looked as he shifted his eyes from his own, to the floor. 'Had he heard?' Sebastian worried.

"I-I have to go." Ciel spat out quickly and was gone in a flash. Sebastian stared blankly at the young boy, already rushing into his own room. 'He heard..'

Ciel's POV.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just act like nothing had happened? I'm sure he knows I had heard, especially with the foolish weak way I had acted in his presence. But what if acting as if nothing had happened would only lead Sebastian to actually say something to this girl? I had noticed that there was nobody else in Sebastian's room when he opened the door. So I suppose the one person I thought wasn't shy, but was, had been rehearsing. Rehearsing? Hah! How stupid, I'd expect more from a demon, especially that certain demon. But I must get back to finding a way to make Sebastian forget about it all. Who do I have to ask for advice? I mean, really? Did any of you think I'd just be able to play it off as if it was some mad skill I was born with? No, even if it was a blessing from 'God' I had received when born, I wouldn't know. I've never been interested in anyone, I've never been put in such a bad situation. But why am I even thinking of this any way? I don't love Sebastian.

"I don't love Sebastian", I said quietly, while sitting on my bed as my heart raced silently. But what if I do? I wouldn't know what love felt like, would I? I've forgotten such things ever since I made a contract with Sebastian. I couldn't handle it anymore, I believed it was best if I had forgotten the emotions I had before. Then I wouldn't be fighting them back, they just wouldn't exist. I know I can't strand myself on an island surrounded by denial, separating Sebastian and me, I find denial annoying. Along with lies, if I loved Sebastian but wasn't aware of it and told him I didn't, it wouldn't be a lie, I know that. But I know that I have feelings for him. But whether or not these feelings are enough to be labeled as love is what I'm unsure about. Who could I ask that would know? Certainly not a girl.. nor Grell, nor Bard, Finny, or any of those nutcases. Perhaps Undertaker, he's the only one that comes to mind. Though he's overly whacked, he's been around for quite some time and can be serious if you bring it off as a serious subject and are offering something in return. I have to arrange a meeting with him, time to ask one of my catastrophe-causing servants to help me. But for now, I'll keep my distance from Sebastian at any cost, at all times. Unless I'm about to be torn to shreds by Pluto, then I'll wave my invisible white flag over my head. But until then, no speaking to him unless I need to.. if I need to, I'll act as if he's a stranger.

My thoughts kept going on and on as I laid myself down on my soft bed. This meant changing myself, I sighed inwardly. It's barely 5, but I'm exhausted. So, I slip my shoes off, struggling just a tad. But no worries cross my mind being that nobody was here to see me fail, if it comes to that. I don't feel like taking a bath, so I shuffle my bare feet, trying to distract myself from thinking about how cold the air was brushing against my pale skin. But I stop suddenly when I hear a knock on my door.

"Yes?" I said harshly.

"Young Master?" Sebastian's voice is always inaudible, being that there's a door between us.

"What is it?" I played off my plan.

"I am greatly sorry for earlier, I had neglected to attend to my duties, but I have come to tell you we must go to a meeting this evening in 2 hours." He seems normal..

"A meeting? With whom?" I shivered, the cold was getting thicker.

"Undertaker. You recall we are going through an investigation concerning the missing children, correct?" Undertaker? I smirked, I may not have to go through many problems working this out.

"All right, I'll prepare." I say, hiding the spice off joy in my voice.

"Do you wish for my assistance, young master?"

"No." I rose my voice a bit. "I will no longer need your assistance for such things, understand? I had expected to inform you earlier, but since you neglected to show up throughout the entire day, I missed my chance. You will do simple tasks from now on, leave Meilin to do the rest." I really, REALLY, regret saying that. Meilin? Seriously? What am I thinking? He stayed silent for a while.

"Yes, my Lord." He replies coldly. He almost sounds hurt.

___

Yeah, so I decided to combine Pandora Hearts with Kuroshitsuji, but only Break and Gilbert.

Beisdes that, this is a fail. __

RandR?


	2. Pleasurable Advice and Jealousy

My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o

Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?

Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash.

So here was Ciel now, walking slowly with the demon by his side. The only thing on his mind was the advice he thirsted for, not the missing children. They reached the Undertaker's turf and Ciel stopped.

"You.." he paused, about to glance at Sebastian, but then realized what he was doing then instead, looked at the door, "will remain outside." He finished off harshly. If he had looked at Sebastian, he would have noticed the glint of hurt and confusion Sebastian had in his dark eyes.

"Yes, Young Maste-" Ciel cut him off rudely by glaring at his forehead, avoiding contact, not even noticing how stupid it was to give hateful looks to someone's forehead.

"Leave, now."

"But-"

"I believe I made myself clear. That was an order." He then shifted his eyes to the Undertaker's door. How Ciel would manage to make Undertaker laugh, as Sebastian usually had to go through that phase, he was unaware. But he slowly turned and walked back to the carriage. He eyed Ciel's lean body as it stood stiff outside the door, almost frozen, before he walked in and slammed the door behind him.

Sebastian's POV.

I wonder what has Ciel so grumpy today.. He is always talking about not being a child, in fact being a child is almost what he hates the most, but yet he seems to be acting rather childish. I forgot to tell Ciel about Gilbert (;D I decided to bring Gilbert from Pandora Hearts, also known as Raven and Break into this whole messed up failure of a story.). Gilbert had sent a letter claiming he'd be here tonight, late, though. I, personally, dislike this Gilbert. Ciel happens to let this Gilbert of his, get close and touch him, when I'd rather that spot be just for me, only me.

My mind had been flooded with human emotions and thoughts for a while as I sat and waited, I then moved on to questioning myself why I had been thinking of such things anyway? I'm a demon, these simple little things shouldn't matter. I used to find them disgusting, selfish, and pathetic, but when I'm the one feeling this way, it's hard to carry on thinking the same way about it all.

I suppose I can't just chase away my feelings for my master. I have never loved one of my masters before, never been close. But after a year at his side, I was fascinated by how savage the young boy could be, it was charming in my eyes. I found myself worried about him more often, then it moved on to me not being able to look at him without the urge to rip his innocence to shreds and own him all together, once and for all. At that point, I knew he'd notice how my eyes would avoid his and him in general, I knew he'd notice the fact I'd been avoiding him unless I had to be at his side, I knew he'd notice it all. So, I decided to not deny the feelings I had, and instead welcome them with open arms. I'd tell him, I knew I should. But every time I told myself I'd tell him, I'd grow nervous, which was a surprise. After that, I decided to try practicing my sinful confession. After about five times – Well, that happened to be when I thought I was ready to get it over with, but was stopped when noticing Ciel had heard me. Then he began acting cold and distant today, which causes me to regret ever thinking of telling him and despising the fact I wanted to practice, when I could have just told him. I've become bewildered and hurt, being that Ciel reacted that way. What If he hated me at this point? It was possible, he is only human.

Normal POV.

Ciel was surprised as to how much better the Undertaker's shop looked when lit only by little light. You couldn't really see all the dust that had been gathering over random coffins and things, it looked rather clean and organized. But once he had finished observing, he noticed he hadn't seen the Undertaker anywhere in the room.

"Undertaker?" He called out rather nervously. The Undertaker had been spacing out, with a thin line of saliva running down under his pale lips. He hadn't been thinking about anything sitting in his coffin, his mind had went blank hours ago, until he heard the cute young Earl call his name. He didn't bother wiping the drool off of his face, he just flung the coffin open and glared at the little boy. "Good evening." Ciel stated emotionlessly, a bored expression spread across his face.

"And what, may I ask, brings the young Earl here at such a late hour?" The Undertaker questioned with an amused tone.

"I believe we had a meeting, Undertaker, about Seb- I mean, the young missing children." Ciel became nervous once again, with his mind scolding him for being stupid and almost saying he had been there to discuss his butler. His mistake obviously was noticed by the Undertaker, for he effortlessly pulled himself out of the coffin and approached Ciel with a wide grin.

"Were you about to say Sebastian? Or was it just me?" His tone was the same as always, but with a hint of suspicion.

"I believe it was just you." Ciel stated.

"I have to say otherwise, young Earl. If you wish for my assistance, I'd appreciate it if you were fully honest as to why you want it and what you want it for." Ciel became even more nervous. He had come here to discuss Sebastian, true, but now that he was facing it all, he had a problem going through with it.

"All right, as you wish. I have come.. for.. advice.." If even possible, Undertaker's grin grew wider.

"Advice? Shocking!" He exclaimed. "But I perhaps like that you'd come to me for such a thing. What kind of advice?" Ciel debating over whether he should just say it, or turn around and just say it was advice on how to investigate the case. He decided he wouldn't appear to be weak or ashamed, he would follow through with his true desires.

"I need advice concerning Sebastian. I believe he has found a.. girl, maybe, and I've grown quite attached to him, which leaves me but no choice to envy this "girl" he's found. It's rather weak of me to by envious of someone I don't even know, but that doesn't seem to bother me when it comes to Sebastian. I seek advice as to how I should win Sebastian's full attention back." Ciel said it calmly, surprisingly, and was relieved when he had gotten it over with. But that feeling of relief slowly slipped away as the Undertaker came closer, this time with a smirk on his face. His hand came up to cup Ciel's cheek and he grazed his way-too-long nails over the pale skin. His face only inches away from the shocked Ciel's.

"Ah, I see. I, not to sound full of myself, believe you have come to the right person to ask about this. Knowing I won't tell you.. or lie to you.." This time the Undertaker sounded quite serious.

"Get on with it and give me the advice." Ciel stated irritatingly.

"Jealousy, Ciel."

"J-Jealousy?" Ciel's eyebrow twitched and he pondered as to how that would work.

"Yes, jealousy. If you wish to win the demon's soul, you will need to provoke him, break him, make him want you." Undertaker stepped a little bit too close to Ciel, so Ciel backed away until his back was against the firm door he had just walked through. Undertaker followed after him, pressing his body against the shocked boy's. Ciel blushed almost instantly, he looked at the Undertaker with an annoyed glare.

"May I ask what you think you're doing? Step back."

"I thought you wished to win Sebastian's attention, though."

"What does that have to do with the fact you're so close?"

"Well, you sought my help, I'm giving it to you." As saying that, he grabbed Ciel's wrists with both of his hands, and pinned them above the boy's head.

"I clearly remember saying "advice" not help, besides, who said I'd accept your advice?" Ciel was rather annoyed now, especially at the fact that how the Undertaker being so close was making him rather flushed and aroused.

"Sometimes.. one doesn't have to say anything for things to be known by those who really pay attention." Undertaker brought his pale, but soft lips, to the young boy's. The Undertaker wasn't one to think about how 'sweet' or 'soft' someone's lips were, he just kissed him and thought nothing of it. Ciel hesitated at first physically, but mentally he kept on telling himself to call Sebastian or push the older man away. Except soon enough, or maybe too soon, his body was reacting and accepting the creep's touches.

"S-Sebasti-" Ciel attempted to with the little control he had left, but was stopped by the Undertaker pressing one of his long fingers against Ciel's lips to shush him.

"If you want me to fulfill your wish, you won't call for him." Ciel nodded reluctantly.

As all of this was going 'down', Sebastian sat impatiently outside. He wondered what had been taking Ciel so long, why he had heard him barely gasp his name, why he was cut off from finishing, why Ciel was so mad. Little did he know what was about to happen, even though it'd be better if he did, then he could save both himself and his lover from regretting what they had done this evening.

"Errgh.." Ciel groaned as his coat and shirt dropped to the floor beneath him, long black fingernails that reminded him strangely of Sebastian scraped down his chest and belly. Ciel could feel the tightness in his shorts as it grew more painful by each passing second. Undertaker's face showed no expression except for his grin. Ciel wished that the man touching him so roughly but almost lovingly was Sebastian, but it wasn't. And there was only one way Ciel was capable of calming that craving of his butler, which was to pretend it was, in fact, Sebastian. The older man leaned down a bit more to grip one of Ciel's pink nubs between his teeth, he tugged on it softly, causing a growl from Ciel as the younger boy put his hands on the man's shoulders and held on to his shirt, as if for his life. As the man flicked his tongue over the younger's nipple, he moved his hands down to the boy's shorts and quickly removed them from the boy's body. Ciel felt ashamed at this point, he felt exposed, so he began undressing the man, struggling every now and then. Finally, the Undertaker noticed Ciel's struggle to remove his pants, and stopped what he was doing, to finish stripping himself. Ciel's beautiful blue eye scanned the man's body, shocked to find it wasn't as bad as he thought, actually it was quite nice. The man grabbed Ciel's wrist and tugged him over to his desk, where he cleared it off and placed Ciel on it.

"W-What are we doing?" Ciel's mind refused to comprehend even the smallest things.

"I suppose you'll find out." Ciel noticed the hint of lust in the man's voice, which was rather unusual. The younger boy watched closely as to what the man was doing, he noticed how pale his skin was, the way it looked soft to the touch, the way his body looked like it belonged to someone younger than the Undertaker. Ciel hadn't noticed the man was at all well-built, in fact he found him quite small and old-looking under his dark clothes, but he noticed how wrong he had been. The Undertaker brought two fingers to press against Ciel's soft lips, asking for entrance into the boy's mouth. He hesitated for a few seconds then thought of why he was doing this in the first place, deciding to allow the man do what he pleased.

He sucked gently on the Undertaker's long, skinny fingers until the man pulled them out of his mouth. He watched closely again, fear was clouded with lust, but his conscious still remained bold in his mind. The Undertaker pulled Ciel's legs up on to the desk, spread wide and bent. For a minute, the man went against his usual way of doing things and studied the boy's body, he wasn't afraid to admit how cute and tempting the younger one looked all exposed with a faint blush on his cheeks and fear making their presence known through the look in his eye. The man continued on by placing his wet fingers on the boy's inner thigh, then he roughly ran his long fingernails closer to the boy's entrance, causing him to grip the sides of the desk and moan loudly.

Sebastian, still waiting outside, heard the moan. He perked up and listened closely for anything else, he knew very well what kind of moan it had been, giving him the reason not to run in there and kill the creep. Jealousy taunted him as his heart raced and his stomach felt like it was in knots. He refused to let himself do anything about it though, he wouldn't go in there unless Ciel called for him.

Ciel could feel the pain he hadn't expected as the man's fingers pressed into him, but pain was soon enough replaced with pleasure as the fingers moved in and out, eventually hitting that certain spot inside him. Once it had, Undertaker smiled and scissored his fingers, causing the young one to groan silently and close his eye. The man continued doing this while Ciel, in return, moaned and gasped every so now and then. Once he knew it was enough, he withdrew his fingers and Ciel looked up at him in confusion. To answer all his questions, he thought as he positioned the head of his length by the youth's entrance, I will show him everything.

Sebastian decided to wait by the door, so he got up slowly and approached the door, standing in front of it when he reached it. He could hear his own master gasping and moaning, which only made the hurt he had been feeling worsen and the jealousy grow in amount.

"I-It hurts!" Ciel moaned loudly as he felt the tip of the older man's length enter him.

"You'll get used to it." The man said silently. Ciel bit down roughly on his bottom lip and held back his cries as Undertaker pushed in further, then slid out, then back in. He kept going until he felt the boy move his hands from the sides of his desk and his arms wrap around his neck. At this point he knew he had hit the spot, the youth gasped as the man's pace quickened. Undertaker wrapped his cold hand around the boy's smaller length and began pumping it in tune with his thrusts. The closer they both got, the louder the boy got, and the more the Undertaker would make a silent sound.

"I-I'm too close.." Ciel growled lowly. Hearing this, the man went even faster, thrusting in and out, feeling the warmth of the boy wrap itself around him. He could feel the boy tense around him and noticed what was going on.

"Moan his name, Ciel, now's the time to call for him." The man whispered softly in the youth's ear. Ciel nodded quickly.

"S-Sebastian!" The boy moaned loudly as the white sticky liquid ejaculated from his length. Once the door slammed open, the older man released himself inside Ciel, groaning quietly and causing Ciel to blush as he looked at his butler in the doorway. 'Perfect' Undertaker thought as he studied the butler's expression, shocked, hurt, angry, all mixed together.

"Young Master.. I think it is time to return home now." Ciel only stared blankly at the butler, his voice was emotionless but his face was the opposite. Being that Ciel refused to leave the almost horrifying position (to Sebastian) the butler walked over to the desk and placed his hand on the Undertaker's chest, pushing him effortlessly away from the younger boy. He picked Ciel up and set him down by the door to pick up the boy's clothing. He looked down at the youth's face as the boy stared down at the ground ashamed and blushing, he removed his coat and placed it around the boy's exposed body.

____

Forgive me for my lack of skill in all of this yaoi stuff. O__O I tried my best, I think..

RandR?


	3. Visitors And Regret

My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o

Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?

Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash.

I forgot to put that the main pairing is Ciel and Sebastian. o_o; Excuse me if I misspell some things or use wrong words. D; Microsoft word seems to add words on to it if the word doesn't make sense in the sentence.

Written while listening to: It's a Plague by Progress in Color.

Enjoy, I hope.

Sebastian continued to look at Ciel as the boy tried his best to avoid looking at him. What would Sebastian say to him? Nothing? He didn't know. Undertaker eyed them both as they seemed to just stand there for no reason whatsoever. Sebastian quickly picked up the smaller boy bridal style and carried him out of the shop, leaving the door open. He dumped Ciel in the carriage carelessly and gave Ciel his clothes. Ciel looked in his eyes for the first time in a while causing Sebastian to look back in his eye to attempt to unmask the reason why he had put himself out there in such a horrible way. But even him, the one person who tended to be the only one who could tell what Ciel's true intentions and emotions were, failed pathetically. The only thing he could figure out was that Ciel regretted it.

"You can dress on the way back, Young Master." Sebastian said quietly, closing the carriage door and returning to his spot in the front. On the way back he tried his best to focus on getting his clothes back on but seemed to struggle being that he could only wonder if Sebastian would say anything about it.

Ciel had finished dressing right on time as the carriage stopped. He took a deep breath before Sebastian opened the carriage door and looked the other way. He stepped out only to be tackled back in by someone who smelled strongly of something like tomato soup. He struggled from the tomato smelling person's hold.

"CIELLLL" The deep voice chirped as Gilbert let Ciel go and looked at him. The younger boy looked surprised, but not happy or glad. This caused Gilbert to feel a bit bad.

"G-Gilbert?" Ciel questioned quietly.

(Okay, to explain this I decided a nice pair would be Gilbert and Ciel. I find Oz annoying and I needed someone to make Sebastian snap and confess his feelings. Gilbert is Ciel's parent's friend's son. They knew each other before Ciel's parents died, despite the fact Gilbert is like.. 8 years older? Gilbert has always kind of liked Ciel and Ciel seems to return those feelings at times. They've only seen each other a couple times after Sebastian came along [To explain why Sebastian said he didn't like him].)

"Oooh, you got so much cuterrr! Aren't you glad to see me?" Gilbert exclaimed while trying to pose with his hands behind his head and a cheesy smile on his face.

"Hai, I suppose." Ciel stated a little happily this time, with a tiny grin on his face.

"Don't be so cute, it's too much for old Gilbert to handle." The man said after pinching the younger one's cheeks then clasping his hand at his heart and making a sad face.

"Don't be so dramatic." Ciel grumbled.

"Is little Ciel grumpy? Aww." Ciel took notice that Gilbert was acting way too.. Lizzy-like. Usually Gilbert was calm and serious, kind of like himself. He had a feeling he'd find this side of Gilbert way too annoying.

As for Sebastian, he just stood there staring at them. He couldn't believe how Ciel had managed to make him angrier by each passing hour. It'd be safe to say Sebastian had grown disgusted with the younger boy, he had known Ciel to be abnormal and a tad bit compassionless, not normal like everyone else. But that took a turn for the worst, he didn't exactly dislike Ciel at this point, but his loving feelings for the youth were becoming unnoticed and unclear.

"Young Master, it happens to be late, you should get ready for bed. Your schedule for tomorrow happens to be full." It wasn't exactly late, but Sebastian wanted all of this to end, hoping that tomorrow the old Ciel would be back. The one who hated when people touched him, but allowed Sebastian to touch him, the one who would look at him, not avoid him, he wanted all of it back. But Ciel nodded back despite the little lie in Sebastian's statement, which made Sebastian relieved. Gilbert got out of Ciel's way so the younger one could get out of the carriage..again. All of them walked into the mansion to be greeted by the four servants. Ciel skipped through the part way he'd stand there to glare at them, walked around them and started walking up the big stairs only to be followed by the annoying Gilbert.

'Tonight will be way too long and torturous' Ciel thought. After he was halfway to his room, Sebastian caught Gil and put him in his own room. This caused the boy to feel a little better, but that "better" soon disappeared as Sebastian followed Ciel into his room. 'I thought I ordered him not to do this' Ciel thought irritatingly. Once he was on his bed and Sebastian began undressing him from the clothes he had just put on for obviously no reason, he glared at Sebastian.

"I thought I told you I didn't need you to do this."

"Meilin is occupied with other things, I apologize, Young Master."

"Well then I can do it myself." Ciel stated coldly trying to push the much-too-strong butler away from him as the other was attempting to pull Ciel's shirt off.

"No." Sebastian swatted the younger's hands away from him and continued, leaving a very shocked Ciel in front of him.

"I.. order you to stop, Sebastian." Ciel had hope this would work, it always did. But Sebastian kept undressing him, now pulling the boy's shorts off. "I believe I said it loud and clear, unless you don't understand English (Yes, they live in England. T__T), it'd do you good to stop and leave!"

"I believe _I_ said no." Sebastian stared at Ciel, anger burning in his gorgeous eyes. Ciel only stared back, not showing any sign of fear. Sebastian, growing tired of looking at the boy, got up to get the younger one's night clothes. He came back to stand in front of Ciel and pull it over Ciel's head.

"If this is about what you saw, that's a pathetic reason to disobey me." Ciel said quietly.

"What my master does and doesn't do is none of my business." Ciel stayed silent for a while, bringing up his legs to rest in front of him on the bed and hugging his knees.

"None.. of your business.." Ciel said to himself. Sebastian, even though across the room about to leave, heard the younger one and stopped in front of the door. He turned around slightly to look at the younger one.

"Young Master?"

"I see, well then, you're dismissed."

"Young Master?" Sebastian called a little louder this time, thinking Ciel hadn't heard him.

"Make sure to remind Meilin to wake me in the morning.."

"Ciel.." Sebastian felt bad for saying what he had said, though he didn't know why this had caused Ciel to grow even more distant.

"And tell Finny I wish to see him tomorrow afternoon. I have to discuss something with him."

"Yes, young master."

So like some of you will notice I update really quick. xD That's for two reasons though, I don't like it when someone takes forever to update anddd I lack things to do, so this is what I do with my free time.

This one is pretty short, but whatever. Gilbert is annoying in this one but later on he'll kind of go back to the way he is in Pandora Hearts. Later on, Break comes along. But Break won't really have anything to do with the many dramatic incidents that happen. So, now that I'm getting into the story and know what's going to happen later on, if you wouldn't want to see Ciel tear himself apart and become slightly a slut, stop reading. The whole deal is that Ciel thinks this jealousy thing will work on getting Sebastian back, even though Ciel doesn't really need to get him back anyway. But it's all for a purpose in the end, Sebastian will eventually get tired of walking in on Ciel and watching him with Gil and snap. Spoilerrr. But whatever, I'm only telling you what you need to know, wouldn't want to disappoint ya'. And the ending of this one is kind of a stolen idea from another story I read ages ago. xD But I loved it, so I used it.

RandR. .__.


	4. Sissy Fights

My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o

Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?

Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash.

I forgot to put that the main pairing is Ciel and Sebastian. o_o; Excuse me if I misspell some things or use wrong words. D; Microsoft word seems to add words on to it if the word doesn't make sense in the sentence.

Written while listening to: Forever by Walter Meego.

(Few days later.)

Sebastian's POV.

Ever since that horrible night, Ciel has been the same as he was the evening I stated what he did wasn't my business. I know at first I had said I wanted the old Ciel back, and he is half-back, but yet it's worse than before. The whole point of having him back was that he wouldn't treat me like an imposter deliberately.

As for Gilbert, he's stuck around, much to my disappointment. But to look on the 'brighter' side of it, he's less annoying than he had been the night he came. He still clings to Ciel like a lifeline and follows him around like I used to. I still attempt to be with him as much as I can, but he seems to always have something pointless for me to do instead.

Ciel's POV.

These last few days have been horrid. Unless you don't consider being stalked by some creepy man, stalked by the man you want to be farthest from, and having to re-do papers due to the fact that Meilen literally worked wonders on setting them all on fire somehow, in any way horrible. Besides all the bad things, I'd been able to keep Sebastian occupied with random tasks and Gilbert off my tracks for a few minutes every now and then. Though Gil had returned to being quiet and to himself, he still seemed way too hyper somehow.

I glared out my window, recalling the past few days almost like they had happened only a few minutes ago. But then my peace and quiet was interrupted by the slamming of my door and an angry Gilbert.

"Y-You need to get rid of that seaweed headed butler of yours!" His cheeks were faintly red and he gritted his teeth. I've never seen Gilbert, of all people, so mad before. –Well, actually I've never seen him look mad at all.

"Last I recall, Sebastian wasn't a seaweed head, as you so beautifully put it, Gil."

"Not the point! Get rid of him or send him off for a few days.. anything! I can't stand him. He always stares at me like I'm someone he's hated for years, though he doesn't know me and I have yet to do anything to him!"

"Is that all he's done to make you act so immature?"

"No! That's everything despite the way he looks at you. He's like.. some.. some pedophile. And on top of that he just attacked me." Gilbert had chilled out at this point, he wasn't so tense and childish looking.

"He attacked you? Hah!" I started laughing. Sebastian.. attacking Gilbert? Like Sebastian had a reason to attack Gilbert and whatnot.

"I'm being serious, Ciel." He tipped his hat over so his eyes weren't visible. "This man is something else. For your own sake, I'd advise you to just get rid of him. You can easily find someone else." Oblivious, isn't he? After I had finished giggling about this certain melodramatic incident, Sebastian also came slamming through the door, almost crushing Gilbert on his way to the front of my desk. His eyes were glowing a faint red and he looked upset. At this point, I reconsidered the statement that Gilbert was a victim to Sebastian's evil wrath.

"What brings you here?" I stated simply. Now wasn't the time for me to act amused or annoyed.

"I've come to ask if you could shed a little compassion for the rest of servants and guests."

"And you are implying? –What?"

"That you remove this bastard from the premises!" He turned to point at Gilbert standing there like a dumbfound idiot.

"Bastard? You're the one who went all freaky on me! Telling me I should keep my distance. Oooh, I'm really afraid!"

"What a fucking understatement! You should be more than just afraid!" He stomped over to Gilbert.

"I'd like it if you didn't use such cruel language in my home." I said rather loudly, but it still wasn't heard.

"I would rip you to shreds if you didn't mean anything to Ciel!"

"Be my guest." Sebastian yelled and grabbed Gilbert by his hair, pulling it roughly after pushing Gilbert's hat off. Gilbert just whimpered and grabbed Sebastian's in return. Then it went on and on with the tug-a-war.

"What a fucking fiasco." I grumbled to myself.

"What'd you just say, young master?" Uh-Oh.

"What?"

"I said.. what did you just say?"

"I said 'What a fucking fiasco'"

"Ciel! Don't say such things! You're too young!" Gilbert cried, still having a firm grip on Sebastian's hair.

"Young Master, I've told you many times not to use such language."

"I think I should be the one getting on your case right now. Watching you two act like little girls fighting over a boy isn't exactly how I'd like to spend my day. But oh no, it's a bigger deal if I just say one bad word, is it not?"

"I.. I apologize, young master." Sebastian said quietly, defeated. He released Gilbert's hair and stood up straight. Gilbert let go of Sebastian's hair as well, but just kind of stood there rubbing his head then picked up his hat.

"Leave, Sebastian."

"Yes, Young Master." Sebastian replied emotionlessly before leaving.

"So, Gil, what did Sebastian do?" Yeah, I had become a little curious, I'll admit.

"He just came up to me randomly while I was sitting outside giving Pluto the stare and was like, "It'd be best for both yourself and Ciel if you leave now."" He sighed, moving up to the front of my desk. "Then I said I wouldn't, you said you would accept my presence here for a while, then he just blew up and started yelling about keeping my distance and that you were his." He looked at me curiously. His? Sebastian called me his?

"Ah, I see."

"So, is it time to evict me?"

"No, I don't believe that's what you deserve. He's the one that picked the fight, you only defended yourself."

"Good." He grinned.

"Go on now, I have things to do." I shooed him a way, then stared down at my paperwork. I really didn't want to do this..

Gilbert's POV.

I really don't get that seaweed head. I don't get how I had offended him at all, if there was anyone who had the right to be annoyed with me or mad it would be Ciel. But his butler? No. What had I done to him? Nothing. Though I have a feeling Sebastian has issues regarding Ciel. I remember him always being at the boy's side, but now –Well, now Ciel would tell him to go away or would give him something else to do that didn't involve being around Ciel. I could tell it hurt Sebastian and it hurt Ciel. But then if Ciel wanted him around, why would he tell him off? I was beyond confused.

**;-;**

**Blah, this one sucks. I thought I'd make a rather off-topic chapter just for the fun of it. Besides, I wasn't in the mood to be serious. There's a lot of hints in this one. Okaayy.. And I thought it'd be best to just half a one-sided point of view of the fight. I don't know why. But Sebastian's side of it has yet to come in the next chapter. No normal povs in this one. D;**

**R.R.**


	5. Even Fruit Salad Can Be Upsetting

**My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o**

**Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?**

**Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash. **

**I forgot to put that the main pairing is Ciel and Sebastian. o_o; Excuse me if I misspell some things or use wrong words. D; Microsoft word seems to add words on to it if the word doesn't make sense in the sentence. Nobody proofreads these besides my friend, who is as careless as I am. So there's probably a lot of mistakes in the tenses of the sentences and sometimes I mix up Meirin and Meilin. **

**Also, back to being serious. The last chapter was more of a joke I made up with someone. I wrote it applying the joke but still keeping the seriousness present faintly. Anddd on top of that, the only reason I (maybe) ruined the story just to apply a joke was because 1: I was half-awake. 2: And I was writing while watching a crapload of Ouran High School Host Club (however you spell it).. xD But if you didn't like it, oh well. I was only having fun. :P Now.. back to the story.**

**Written while listening to: ****Kate McGill - Short Straw**

Sebastian's POV.

So the fight, yes, the fight, it had been a mistake. For some reason, even though Gilbert and Ciel weren't together, I just fell apart. I couldn't stand him being around. Gilbert had grown to be beyond irritating and problematic. Then the fight in front of Ciel, that was foolish. I suppose it had only been as childish as it was because I didn't want to push Ciel further away, I could have just gotten rid of him forever, but I refused to disappoint Ciel more. But at least I learned my lesson, I believe it won't happen again.

Ciel's POV.

Sebastian said I was _his_? What an unexpected cause for such a random cat fight. If Sebastian was truly envious of Gilbert, did that mean he loved me? Did I have to keep on playing mind games? I didn't know. I wanted him to come to me, to tell me he loved me, to care about me.. to touch me-

But then again, I don't think getting that much out of such a selfish demon is that easy. Was it Gilbert who made him jealous and mad? Or was it what I had done? I had so many questions to ask, but yet I didn't know who to ask, or how to ask.

(Next Day)

Normal Pov.

Meirin shuffled her feet as she entered her master's bedroom, she slowly moved over to the curtains and pulled them open. She still had to get used to doing Sebastian's job.

"Good morning, young Master." She stared carefully at the lump under the covers that twitched slightly. She continued, "Breakfast is almost ready." This time the young boy crawled out from under the covers, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Okay." He said softly. She took this as a dismissal and scurried much too quickly out of the room. Ciel had noticed how up-tight Meilin was acting and wondered why. I mean, sure, she always was kind of.. jumpy and odd but she was acting unusual even compared to her 'normal' self. He pushed the covers off of him, noticing he had to change. Since when did he have to change by himself? Ah, since he told off Sebastian. But didn't he tell him to tell Meilin to do it? He sighed, pulling his legs over the edge of the bed and stretching. He grabbed his eye-patch from the bedside table and tried his best to tie it over his eye. Once he was done, he got up but sat back down when there was a knock on his door.

"Yes?"

"Young Master, I've come to dress you." Sebastian. Again. What part of 'I don't need you to do such things for me anymore' did he not get? Ciel was beyond annoyed with his persistent butler.

"Er, come in." Ciel said quietly. Sebastian opened the door slowly. He glanced at Ciel then closed the door and walked over to him.

"I remember telling you to have Meilin do this."

"She's busy at the moment."

"Since when is Meilin always busy? Usually all she does is run around breaking things. When she isn't doing that, she's doing something you told her to do."

"Young Master, I don't think starting the day off with an argument is mature." Sebastian said clearly as he bent down in front of Ciel, grabbing the bottom of Ciel's nightgown and starting to pull it up over Ciel's pale legs.

"Since when does what _you_ think concern me?" Ciel waited for his butler's reply, which never came. Giving in, Ciel got up off of the bed so it wasn't so difficult to undress (and dress) him. Once Sebastian was done, Ciel was a tad flustered. He had noticed the way Sebastian allowed his hands to linger in certain places, how Sebastian seemed to dress him painfully slow, how..

"There." Sebastian said quietly with a grin plastered across his gorgeous face. Ciel just glared at him.

"You can go." Ciel replied coldly. Once Sebastian was gone, the boy sighed. He didn't understand anything. Had Sebastian told Meilin to play 'busy' so he could continue dressing him? The butler was pushing it rather far. Ciel wished he had the old Sebastian back, the one that was not so annoying and would follow orders without hesitation. Ciel walked slowly out of his room, still trying to sort out all of the events that had taken place ever since the Undertaker incident. He sped up a little once he got to the staircase, he was hungry. He walked in to the dining room to see Gilbert, Sebastian, Bard, and Meilin standing there, spread across the room. He raised an eyebrow, looking closely at all of them. He was used to it being Sebastian and him, not a whole pack of people.

"Good morning, master" Bard, Sebastian, and Meilin greeted him a little too cheerfully.

"Good morning, Ciel." Gilbert said quietly. He decided they were just in a weird mood and sat down. Gilbert sat down as well.

"Where's the food?" Ciel questioned after 5 minutes of dead silence.

"Ah, the food.. well-" Meilin started off.

"Breakfast is served!" Finny chirped, busting through the door that separated the kitchen from the dining room. He was pushing a little cart that had.. fruit on it. Sebastian pushed Finny aside and grabbed the cart. He wheeled it around the table to Ciel and put a plate in front of him. What was on the plate wasn't what Ciel had expected.

"What is this?" Ciel snapped at Sebastian.

"Fruit salad." Sebastian replied.

"Fruit salad? Since when do I have fruit salad for breakfast?"

"I-I can explain-" Meilin started off.

"Since now." Sebastian replied harshly. Bard, Finny, and Meilin shrieked then began whispering about how Sebastian was scary.

"I refuse to eat this. Explain yourselves." Ciel ordered, pushing the plate away then looking at his servants. Gilbert just sat there staring at Sebastian.

"Well, when Sebastian.. h-had gone up t-t-to dress you, Bard was m-making breakfast and he t-t-thought t-that he'd s-shoot the eggs to.. –to crack t-them open and he ended up.." Meilin trailed off.

"Sebastian?" Ciel turned to Sebastian, a fake smile spread across his face.

"Yes, young master?" The smile disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"You notice that this is your fault, correct? Meilin could have easily dressed me, - but no! You had to. And because of the fact YOU had to, this idiot," he pointed at Bard "ended up shooting eggs to make breakfast." At that, Ciel got up quickly and stomped out of the room. Gilbert followed after him. Sure, Ciel liked sweet things but not fruit. He liked cake and candy.

"Will you slow down.." Gilbert grumbled from behind Ciel as they walked around the garden.

"No." Ciel replied.

"You've got to calm down, Ciel. Why are you so upset?" Ciel stopped and turned around to see Gilbert breathing heavily and sweating. Ciel wasn't even going that fast..

"I've got to calm down?"

"Yes.."

"Why should I calm down when Sebastian keeps declining my orders and going about his own business? He's my butler, not a guest. He seems to think he can just do whatever it is he wishes when really, his privileges are limited."

"Then why don't you explain it to him? To be honest with you, getting upset all the time and snapping at him doesn't really imply that the reason you're mad is because of the fact he's disobeying. It just seems like you're cranky and acting immature. If you think about it, it was just fruit salad, there was no need to make a scene and run out of there."

"Sebastian is smart enough to figure it out himself." Ciel turned the other way and looked at the sky. "He's been by my side for a while now, I'd expect him to know when he's doing something wrong that I dislike. He's been able to read me like an open book ever since the first day, which is surprising."

"It wouldn't hurt to explain it to him."

"Why should I be the one to explain how foolish he's acting? He's the adult."

"You're acting foolish too."

"How?" Ciel turned to look at Gilbert.

"By not taking responsibility. You expect people to just know all this stuff. It's a lot more complicated than that. If you never tell people how you feel, they'll never know."

"You're so naive. I don't feel anything," he lied, "I just want him to stop acting like that."

"If you truly wanted him to stop acting like that, you'd tell him. The way you refuse to explain it only makes it seem like you want him to continue doing it. You're not doing all you can to stop it." Gilbert stepped closer to Ciel, putting his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Just simply tell him everything there is to know." Truth was, Gilbert had difficulty telling Ciel any of this. He was giving Ciel advice that even he, himself, hadn't taken yet. He had more to tell Ciel about how _he_ felt, but chose to keep quiet about it. Somehow, Gilbert expected the youth to just know without him explaining.

Ciel stared at Gilbert, speechless. Was that really the only way he'd get Sebastian notice? Gilbert was right, expecting Sebastian to just know was a little too much. But then again, Ciel wouldn't let himself seem weak and childish. If telling Sebastian how he felt and why he had done those things with the Undertaker meant making himself look immature, he wouldn't do it. But then again, by him only doing such things with the Undertaker, it seemed as if Ciel loved the Undertaker. Ciel would also not tolerate that. If he did it more than once with different people, maybe it would just appear to be that Ciel was carelessly using people. But who did he have to turn to for another round of mistakes? Ciel looked down then sighed, Gilbert stared down at the top of his head confused.

"I have to go." Ciel said quietly, moving from in front of Gilbert. He began walking towards the mansion while Gilbert just stood there, not even turning to watch him go. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around. The garden was beautiful, he admired the way the roses seemed to dance along with the silent song that the wind played and the way the grass was shaded bright green. The bushes, well, they were bushes. He didn't find them special. He sat down, right there in the middle of the garden, and stared at the sky.

Ciel, on the other hand, lazily walked into the mansion only to be faced with another load of trouble. His servants, including Sebastian, all stood there in a row, ready to apologize. He could tell that's what they were getting at because Meilin and Bard kept whispering sorry in different ways, trying to figure out which one would do best.

"Save it." Ciel sighed. They looked at him with questioning looks. He turned the other way, "Finny, please come up to my office in about 10 minutes, I need to speak to you." Leaving it at that, he walked around them and slowly walked up the stairs, then to his office.

He slumped down into his chair and rubbed his temples while closing his eyes. 'I'm going through with this', he repeated to himself over and over. Once he had convinced himself, he got up and moved to the front of his desk. He pulled himself on top of it, then crossed one leg over the other while leaning over, placing his elbow against his knee and his fist under his chin. He sat that way for a few minutes, until he heard a knock at his door. "Come in." Finny opened the door and looked at his master, surprised that he was sitting like that on top of his desk. He couldn't help but to find his master a little bit intriguing.

"What is it, young master?" He asked nervously. Ciel moved the hand he had under his chin to rest at his side, using it as support as he leaned back a little.

**;-;**

**So I stopped this one pretty much in the middle of things. I have half of the next chapter written, but I lost the motivation to continue on with the way things were going. This one is pretty rushed and plotless, but oh well. It hints at the next pairing obviously. Spoiler. Now, for a little bit more of the explaining, Ciel rushes into what he's going to do next for no reason, it's just how I wrote it. I'm trying to slowly fit all of the characters back into their usual selves, but it'll take some time since the last chapter was way off. Finny is the one with the fruit salad because he had the idea but Meirin and Bard didn't agree. So he did it himself. I know Ciel would have probably just gotten it over with and eaten it, but I needed a reason for Ciel to leave the dining room and have that talk with Gilbert. I don't mention him a lot in this one, but in the next few chapters he's going to be one of the main characters, along with Finny and Sebastian. Break will come wayyy later on. Also, the whole "Bard shoots eggs" was a big deal because what I was getting at with Meirin "trailing off" is that he probably ended up trying to shoot everything he was to prepare. Stupid, I know. I should have explained most of this in the story, but I didn't. Anyway, next one is supposed to be slightly yaoi. Yeahh, I hope you like it again, if you stopped liking it because of the chapter before this one. O__o **

**RandR. **

**P.S. If you've got advice or ideas I could use them, thanks.**


	6. A Silent Confession

**My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o**

**Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?**

**Ciel/Lots of people. Sebastian/Ash. **

**I forgot to put that the main pairing is Ciel and Sebastian. o_o; Excuse me if I misspell some things or use wrong words. D; Microsoft word seems to add words on to it if the word doesn't make sense in the sentence. **

**Written while listening to: I'm A Player by KGB (for Ciel ;D) and You Could Happy by Snow Patrol. **

;_;

"Close the door and come here." Ciel ordered emotionlessly. (I think we all know what this is leading to. .__.) Finny closed the door quickly and hurried over to stand a few feet away from his master. "Closer." Finny took one more step, now only leaving about 2 feet between them. "Closer and closer." Ciel ordered with an amused tone. Finny moved to stand right before his master. Ciel spread his legs and grabbed Finny's shirt with his free hand, pulling him in between his legs. Finny just stood there wide-eyed. Ciel moved his lips to Finny's ear, whispering softly, "I want you to please me." It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what Ciel meant, but Finny remained slightly confused. Ciel moved back and stared into the other boy's eyes.

"W-What?" Finny stuttered.

"It's not that difficult to understand." Finny noticed that his obliviousness might upset his master, so he decided to just do as he was told, no questions asked. It wasn't like Finny didn't want to do it, he did, but he never expected it to ever happen. He slowly pressed his lips against his master's, a little too roughly. Ciel moaned quietly into the kiss and licked Finny's lips, asking to make the kiss more profound. Finny accepted the boy's offer and parted his lips, allowing the other's tongue to slip into his mouth. As he let the boy explore his mouth, Finny ran his hands up the boy's thighs. Ciel was surprised by how much he liked the boy's smell, he smelled like fresh air. Ciel didn't really like people with strong scents and this boy smelled strongly of almost nothing. His thoughts were interrupted by the regret that creeped up on him for not eating. He felt like he was starving but didn't wish to stop what he was doing. He could feel Finny unbutton his coat and slide it half way off, being that Ciel's hands were connected to his shirt, leaving him unable to slip the coat off the rest of the way. He continued by unbuttoning his master's shirt as well, slipping that also only half-way off. Ciel could feel the other boy's hands run up his chest to his neck, where Finny wrapped his hand around it while his other hand moved to Ciel's lower back. Ciel was, at this point, confused as to what Finny was doing. Finny began pushing himself against the other's body, causing Ciel to move his hands from in front of him to behind him for support. Finny then let go of Ciel and stopped kissing him, he stepped away and glared at Ciel. Ciel only looked back confused and gasping for air.

"I.." Finny began, but was stopped when Ciel stood and stepped closer to Finny. Finny was sure that his master was angry or annoyed, but was proven dead wrong when Ciel grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, turned him around and slammed him down on to the desk, crashing his lips roughly but rather emotionlessly against Finny's. Finny truly hadn't known why he stopped or what he was thinking, but being like this under his master because of it only made him proud of his pointless actions. He wrapped his arms around Ciel's neck, making sure he didn't hurt his master in the process. He really had no idea as to how he'd get through this without shattering every bone in the boy's body because of his supernatural strength. Ciel could faintly feel the heat radiating off of the blonde's body. He'd consider it welcoming.. perhaps comforting even.. if it hadn't been that the only reason he was experiencing it was for a foolish reason. His mind wasn't stuck on the thought of how the blonde was so beautiful and warm for very long, being that it only caused him to long for a certain someone's touch and presence instead. He tried telling himself to just pretend it actually was Sebastian, but he wasn't really one to imagine such things. Ever since the day he came back home with his demonic butler, he had promised and taught himself to only see things as they really were. Reality was difficult to face and understand, but it was the only thing he had in order to live his life without having to go through the pain and sorrow once again. But now wasn't the time to think about such things. He was doing this for two reasons, the Undertaker's advice and to cease his mind from wandering to think about what Gilbert had told him, tempting him and mocking him about what he's done. He placed his hand on the blonde's neck, gripping the string that held that stupid hat that Ciel found unbelievably childish with his long pale fingers, then he swiftly pulled it over the blonde's head and tossed the straw hat aside. Finny blushed slightly as he stared into his master's beautiful blue eye. Did Ciel know anything about how he felt? Or was he acting upon his own sexual desires, only craving physical contact? Finny was unsure. Ciel seemed distant, to say the least, which made Finny think he was only doing it because he happened to be bored, very, very bored. And what seemed to be to Finny was true, Ciel locked himself up so that he wouldn't have to feel any emotions anymore. He didn't want to feel guilty, he didn't want to miss something he had yet to have in the first place, he didn't want to hurt. All he wanted was to feel his skin rubbing against skin, his lips pressed against lips, he only wanted to feel what was physical without registering anything in his mind. – I mean, really, it happened to be the only way Ciel could handle it, he couldn't have Sebastian and he couldn't pretend it was Sebastian either. Ciel roughly tugged the servant's shirt up and over his head, immediately leaning down to kiss the boy's slightly tanned chest. He ran his tongue over and around the boy's nipples, receiving quiet gasps and growls in return. This reminded him too much of the Undertaker, he thought. He quickly scolded himself for thinking at all, then got on with it. He ran his tongue down the boy's stomach, sparing a few seconds to circle it around the blonde's navel. Then he let go of the shirt he still was grasping over the other boy's head and moved them down to the button on the other's shorts.

Sebastian had been walking around outside, thinking through what had happened during the fruit salad incident. He glanced over to the office window, expecting to see Ciel sitting there with that hopeless look in his eye while staring at the sky. –But what he saw was nothing he had ever expected to witness. He saw _his_ Ciel unzipping his own colleague's shorts, thrusting them off quickly then pressing his lips against what Sebastian knew was the blonde's dick, though he couldn't see it, being that the blonde's legs were placed upon Ciel's tiny shoulders, thighs blocking the view of what was going on. He knew he had to stop this from happening all over again, but was stopped in his tracks by a troubled Gilbert. _Now_, he thought, _this is an example of the many things this bastard does to annoy me_.

Finny groaned silently, breathless, as Ciel teased the head of the blonde's rather small length with gentle kisses. He slowly engulfed the length in his mouth, sucking gently and swirling his tongue around the base. Ciel would suck gently, pull his lips back up to the tip, only to bring them back down again -the same routine repeating over and over. It grew more intense as time passed, causing the blonde to moan and writhe under his master's soft hand that was pressed on the blonde's chest attempting to keep him still. As minutes passed, the closer the blonde would become to releasing himself in the younger boy's mouth. But Finny told himself he wouldn't let it end that way, he wanted to do as much as he could. Once Ciel had brought his lips up to the tip like he had been doing for the past few minutes, Finny quickly pushed Ciel off only to grab him by his arm with his other hand after noticing how hard he had pushed. Finny slowly slid off the desk, still holding Ciel's arm, then he turned them around and gently slammed Ciel down on to the desk, which was similar to how Ciel had done to Finny before, followed with lips crashing against lips again. Ciel moaned softly into the kiss as he felt his servant's hands immediately go for the button on his pants, almost ripping off the button as the blonde unbuttoned them. Then as the blonde began tugging them off, he blushed, embarrassed and ashamed for the first time in a while.

Sebastian wasn't actually listening to Gilbert, he would nod and then glance at the two lovers on the desk, then look back at Gilbert. He was beyond furious about what was going on with the blonde and his master and having an annoying idiot go on and on about something Ciel said wasn't helping. Wait – something Ciel said? After noticing that, he began listening a bit more closely as to what the other was talking about. Almost forgetting what was happening in his master's office.

Ciel quietly screamed out in pleasure as the blonde pressed into him. Sure, it wasn't as good as it was with the Undertaker, (he liked how non-romantic it happened to have been) but it felt good. The blonde's thrusts were beyond rough and were driving Ciel over the edge much too quickly. He could feel the tip of his servant's length hit his prostate over and over, until all he could feel was pleasure.

"And so that's what he told me. I didn't think he'd really tell you so I thought I'd tell you myself." Gilbert finally finished off. Sebastian thought about it all for a second then remembered what he had seen, he quickly looked back at the window. Seeing the blonde thrust into his master that way while Ciel only accepted it willingly was beyond sickening. Gilbert was too distracted by Tanaka and his consistent ho ho ho's to notice where Sebastian was looking.

"I'm sorry, I must go." Sebastian said politely before running into the mansion. It confused Gilbert why he had been running but he just brushed it off.

Sebastian ran as quickly as he could, without going at a supernatural speed, to the boy's office. Once he got there though, the need to hurry in there had disappeared and was replaced with nervousness and jealousy as he listened quietly to the noises coming from behind the door. He could hear the slapping of skin against skin, Finny's grunting, and Ciel's moaning loud and clear. As if he was right there next to them. He couldn't take it anymore, he decided and slammed the door open, startling what seemed to have been only the blonde. Finny's expression was shock and pure fear, but Ciel's was just blank, he only stared motionless at the intruder. Sebastian quickly made his way over to the desk, glaring at both of them. By the time he had gotten there, though it only took a few seconds, Finny had already dressed himself and was acting like nothing had been going on, whistling as if his own master wasn't really sprawled out all over the desk –naked-, panting and sweating.

"Leave." Sebastian ordered, facing the blonde who was still whistling, minding his own business. The blonde ran out of the room almost as if he was being chased by a pack of dogs. Once Sebastian couldn't hear the servant's quick footsteps, he turned to stare at Ciel as the boy was slowly and lazily sliding off the desk, still aroused, being that Sebastian interrupted before either one of them could ejaculate. Sebastian slammed his hands down on to the desk and looked down, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. "Why?!" Ciel only kept his back turned and began to dress himself, which only caused Sebastian to become angrier and more frustrated when he realized it. "Why are you doing this?!" This time, boy turned around and gave Sebastian a cold stare.

"Doing what?" The boy's tone was dull.

"You know very well what I'm talking about, _Ciel_. I'd prefer it if you didn't play dumb at a time like this."

"Why does it concern you that I do these things?" Sebastian's eyes widened as he heard what the boy had asked. He quickly, almost in a flash, grabbed Ciel and slammed him against the wall that was closest to the boy. Still, though, he didn't receive any reaction from the youth. He pinned the boy's hands above his head and lowered his face down to the level of the boy's.

"Is it really that difficult for you to take notice of my feelings?" Sebastian whispered this time, and that happened to be the first time he received a shocked expression from the boy.

**;_;**

**Pretty short and sheit. I wrote this really quickly o_o; so I didn't spend a lot of time on explaining or coming up with any "bright" ideas. Hope you like it. **

**RandR? It inspires me to keep writing! D8**


	7. This Love Seems Like A Crime

**My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o**

**Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?**

**Main Pairing: SebxCiel**

**I apologize for any mistakes or repeats. **

**This chapter is NOT a continuation of the last, this chapter is more about how Sebastian grew to love Ciel and how Ciel grew to love him in return. If you don't wish to know about it, don't read it. The next chapter will be the continuation. **

**Also, thank you for all your reviews and compliments! ;D I'm sure without them, I would have dropped the story. I have low-confidence when it comes to something made by me. But since you guys seem to like it, I'll keep it up. Thanks for reading! **

**Written while listening to: **White Lies - You Still Love Him.

;___;

Sebastian's POV.

I remember the first time I took notice of my abnormal feelings for my young master. I knew I wasn't supposed to be concerned, worried, happy, relieved, - But I did. And there was no denying it. I began to wish I was important enough to Ciel.. enough to make him smile, to make him cry, to make him happy, and to make him all mine. I was beyond ashamed of how I failed to have a soul made of stone. I had always promised myself that through every contract, I'd always think the same of humans. They were vulnerable, pathetic, and useless. Ever since I began watching humans, I took notice of how much they lied, how much they used each other, how foolish they were. Besides, it was true that it was typical for a human to only want to know about another person when it benefits them the most. (1) They all seemed to be oblivious of the fact that they really didn't care about other people, they only told themselves they did so that they could feel better about life and about who they were. But Ciel Phantomhive, he was unique, he didn't waste his time with lies. He despised lies, in fact, almost as much as I did. To Ciel, it was a game, a game where you're not using and lying to make yourself feel better, but where you honestly use those around you with them knowing to win in the end. And the way he played this 'game' was not similar to how everyone else did. It wasn't about making people feel like you care so that you could use them to win, it was about being blunt about what they were to you. He made people feel just as unimportant as they were, I admired that about him. Ever since the beginning, I had a feeling he'd be different, perhaps more entertaining. But never did I think I'd become vulnerable at his feet. I began to care more about how happy he'd be if I helped him with his revenge, even though when we made the contract, the only reason I cared at all about winning his revenge for him was because I'd get something in return in the end. A meal, only a meal. It was _never_ about him in the beginning, it was only about me. He was aware of that. I don't know how I changed or how he changed, but something had to change. It was not 'usual' for a demon to love a human. I'd call it a sin, but a sin isn't a big deal when all you're made up of are sins and cruelty. After I began to care about him, even like him, then I started wishing that I could be at his side forever. Though he would never be able to stay with me for long, he was _only _human. I began to forget what my purpose was at his side. I was a butler, not an admirer, but it didn't matter to me. I tried making it clear that I cared for him in ways I shouldn't have, but he still never noticed. And even though it made me upset and angry, my feelings only grew. I started feeling jealousy, envy, longing.. love.. I knew I'd be a fool to deny it, so I never bothered, but that never made me feel any better. I still felt like a fool. And in the end, I was a fool, I ended up with him wanting to be as far from me as possible. I ended up with the first and only person I have ever loved not even wanting to look at me, I'm sure you know that it hurt. People seen to overestimate how empty a demon can be. It's not impossible for a demon to feel these things, it's just not common. But Ciel happened to be one of those people who only thought that a demon cared about its food and entertainment, nothing more. Which led me to believe he was disgusted with me. It'd only be normal for him to find something like a demon sickening.

Ciel's POV.

I remember the first time I took notice of my abnormal feelings for my butler. It was a while ago, if I recall correctly, I began to grow worried about him if he failed to protect himself in order to protect me. I began to fear that his chances would run out, and I knew I didn't fear it because I would be left alone, that was the least of my worries, but I feared it because I wanted him to be safe and breathing, even though I didn't consider him 'alive'. I never expected to care about anyone. Everyone was a pawn, nothing more, including Sebastian. Would it be wrong for the king to fall in love with his knight? I didn't know. And even if I was the first king to do such a thing, I refused to deny it or try to change it. It never really bothered me that I loved him, but it did bother me that I couldn't know if the demon returned those feelings or if it was even possible for him to feel that way. But either way, I was.. _happy_ with the way things were, I was pleased with just having him around. But then he began to seem distant, like he hated being around me more than anything else, that's when my "happiness" failed to exist any longer. I wondered what it was that made me something he disliked. Was it my feelings? Did he know about them? He probably expected more of me, he expected me not to love him or like him. But shouldn't that make someone happy? I thought when you had someone to care about you and love you that it caused you to feel a little better about life. But that was something I knew I could only expect from a human, not a demon. I knew nothing about demons and the ways they functioned. I didn't know if they had any sense of emotion in them at all, if they were merely containers filled with nothingness, but Sebastian hadn't seemed that way at first. He showed emotions clearly, or were they just part of his act as my butler? It confused me beyond belief when he started acting cold and it caused me pain, the type of pain I hated feeling. It was nostalgic to feel the way I did, too familiar. It was the same pain I had felt when my parents died, when I was left alone. I hated myself as much as I hated the ones who took my parents from me. I had broken my own rules.

**;___; **

**Pretty short and simple. It's only like a summary of how they felt throughout all this. I really have no talent when it comes to writing all this corny stuff. _ Forgive me. (1): Similar to something Sebastian said in another story. .__. Ftw. RandR? Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be up tomorrow or later todayyy.**


	8. I Want All Of You

**My first fanfiction, kind of fails, but oh well. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, if I did, why would I be writing a fanfiction? o__o**

**Summary: Sebastian and Ciel have grown to love one another, but confusion begins to split them apart. Ciel thinks Sebastian loves someone else and Sebastian thinks Ciel hates him because of his feelings, though he has yet to confess them. What kind of thrilling mind games will they play to make the other take notice of their feelings?**

**Main Pairing: SebxCiel**

**I apologize for any mistakes or repeats. **

**Also, thank you for all your reviews and compliments! ;D I'm sure without them, I would have dropped the story. I have low-confidence when it comes to something made by me. But since you guys seem to like it, I'll keep it up. Thanks for reading! **

**This is the continuation of chapter 6. Sorry guys, this chapter is sexless. I lost the lusty vibe, but they'll "get it on" later on, trust me. I wouldn't write the entire story without that perfect momenttt. **

**Listen to ****No one's gonna love you by Band of Horses**** while reading, if you wish. **

**;___;**

"_Is it really that difficult for you to take notice of my feelings?" Sebastian whispered this time, and that happened to be the first time he received a shocked expression from the boy. _

"W-What are you saying, Sebastian?!" Ciel had a hard time believing any of this was happening, he had even more difficulty believing that Sebastian, his Sebastian, was hinting at something he had never thought the demon could possibly feel or understand.

"I think I made myself quite clear." Sebastian said softly with a mocking smile.

"I don't know what you mean. Let me go." The boy tried to escape from the other's hold, though the fact he didn't really wish to escape made it a pathetic attempt. Sebastian's smile only grew wider, his hand tightened more around the boy's wrists, a way to announce his victory over the smaller boy. "Sebastian.." Ciel moaned softly, music to the demon's ears, but he knew it wasn't a pleasurable moan. He loosened his grip and Ciel sighed in relief.

"Why should I let you go? Shouldn't I keep you here until I'm done explaining? It's pretty obvious that if I did let you go, you'd only run away." Sebastian didn't receive a reply, so he continued, "I've tried every way possible to show you how I feel, but you don't seem to be able to notice things even when they're right in front of you. You're oblivious." He snickered.

"Obviously you didn't _really_ try every way possible. You didn't tell me, all you did was ignore me. You think that makes it obvious? Hah, no." Ciel's fear and nervousness due to the situation was quickly fading, he was going to take this chance to tell Sebastian the truth. Sebastian was speechless. For once, he knew the younger boy was right. "What is it that you _think _you feel, Sebastian?"

"I think I feel like I want you to be mine, Ciel." The demon was the one growing nervous this time.

"What would you say if I said I felt the same? That I _knew_ I wanted you to be mine in every way possible."

"I'd say you could have all of me, in every way you wish(ed) to." Sebastian slowly moved in closer, his lips only an inch away from Ciel's.

"Then.." Ciel moved his lips a little closer, until they were barely touching the other's, "I want you, Sebastian," he whispered softly before closing his eyes and pressing his lips against the demon's. Sebastian placed his free hand on the boy's cheek, moving his lips against the boy's. He had waited so, so, so long for this. The younger boy could feel his cheeks heat up as he parted his lips for the demon. The demon took the offer and his tongue snaked its way into the boy's mouth. Tongues entwined as the man tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. It wasn't very long before the youth pulled back. When he did, the demon's eyes snapped open to see what was wrong, but he was pleased to only see the younger one blushing and breathing heavily. He looked so vulnerable.

"You.. taste like Finny." Sebastian grinned.

"Is it necessary to be so rude?" The younger one looked away and huffed.

"Rude? I wasn't being rude." Sebastian put two of his fingers under the boy's chin and made him look at him again.

"Tch."

"Don't be so feisty just yet, young master." Sebastian moved his hand down the younger boy's neck, moving it down his chest, belly, then up his shirt. The boy's skin felt hot, even though his gloves stopped the skin-to-skin contact, he could still feel it. Ciel blushed even more and looked away again, he hadn't felt this embarrassed before. Sebastian knew very well that this wasn't exactly the time for this, it'd be awkward to do anything right after his lover had been doing things with someone else, so he removed his hand from the boy's abdomen and released his hands. Ciel looked at Sebastian with confusion written all over his beautiful face. "What?" Sebastian looked away and fixed his tie.

"I.. I just wasn't expecting you to let me go." Ciel looked down, nervous once again.

"Would you have liked it if I hadn't?" Sebastian looked back at the boy, a mischievous grin had its graceful position on his face. Ciel, wide eyed, looked back up at the demon.

"N-No! I mean.. yeah. No. Yeah." Ciel brought his small hands up in front of his chest, rubbing his thumbs together.

"Could you be any more confusing?"

"Eh. Don't you have somewhere you should be at the moment?" Ciel said confidently, pulling himself together again.

"Yes. But-"

"Then why are you still here, Sebastian? Go." Ciel's tone was his only disguise now. If he could keep up the harsh tone, maybe he'd end the situation while still being beheld as the more dominant and controlled one.

"I thought-" Sebastian was beyond confused and a tad hurt.

"I don't care." Ciel grabbed the demon's sleeve and began dragging the man out of his office, which was quite difficult. Once Sebastian was out of his sight he walked lazily back to his chair, falling back into it with a big sigh. He did know he had requested the man to leave a little too early, but he needed to think. What if it was only a game? He knew that Sebastian enjoyed teasing him at times, just to see him fall. But this.. –this wouldn't just be a 'fall', it'd be a fiasco if handled the wrong way. He'd end up hurt and beyond mad. He'd end up with more problems than he knew he could handle. But didn't Sebastian know better than to do something like that? The demon obviously knew that Ciel hadn't been playing around when he had said he wanted him. Thus, the demon knew about Ciel's true feelings and Sebastian knew that Ciel had yet to "get over" his parent's death, he didn't need to have his feelings toyed with. Maybe Sebastian really did mean what he had said.

Ciel looked down at his bruised wrists. If Sebastian was this rough with not even simple foreplay, he was a little afraid to find out what it'd be like to go all the way.

;____;

**Er, definitely not one of my best chapters. Remember, I had a big fall-out. xD So this is me starting back up again. And I'm not really good until I'm really into it. C; This one is short, due to the fact this is simply the clarification, not the after-math. I like to divide it all up in a certain way, as you can tell. Sorry this one isn't amazing and that it took so long. But I'm pretty sure I can now say I'll update daily again. This chapter is kind of Terrible Thrill's "high" point. The next chapter will stay at this point. But after that, it downfalls (just to warn you). If you've read what's on my profile and my last chapter, you know that there's a sequel. I'm writing all 3 Terrible Thrill's as one big story, made up of smaller stories. Each smaller story has its own problem. This one was the problem both Ciel and Sebastian had finding out about the other. Next story – Well, if you go and read the intro I posted for Staying Sane Inside Insanity, you'll find out what problem it is they have there. Anyway, to stop going on and on, I'd like to tell you all that Terrible Thrills has only a little more ways to go. They've solved this problem, now it's time to create the next problem. **

**RandR? It inspires me. C;**


	9. Should We Have Been With Someone Else?

_First fanfiction. Kind of fails._

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this? _

_You all know the summary by heart by now, I hope. Ciel x Sebastian. _

_Anyhow, if you read my note in the last chapter, you know that this is almost the last lovey dovey chapter. Sebastian and Ciel are in love, yes. So don't think that the ending of this one means they aren't. Also, I'd like the thank those who favorited/reviewed. You are all my inspiration. C: _

_I put a lot of effort in this chapter because this is my fiancee's chapterrr, even though the entire story is hers. I hope you like it. Also, this is a rated M chapter. Though it's no masterpiece._

_Song is: You Kill Me by Paper Route._

_;__;  
_

Ciel woke up to a loud _crash. _He sat up quickly as he scanned the room, making sure the sudden _crash_ hadn't been anything in his room. He looked outside his window, coming to realization that it had to only be 5 or 6 in the morning, because the sun was barely rising. He sat there for a few minutes, debating on whether he should go downstairs to see what it was or count on his lov- butler to figure it out himself. Coming to the conclusion he was way too tired, he fell back against his bed. _It was probably one of those idiots._ He stared up at the ceiling, admiring the way the shadows played across the white surface, before his eyes slowly slid shut. But merely minutes after he had finally fallen asleep again did an even louder _bang_ echo through the mansion. This time, he stayed lying down. His chest rose then fell slowly, as he waited for another sound. And whoever was making the annoying sounds didn't disappoint him. Two minutes later there was another _bang_ then another _crash. _He slowly pulled himself out of bed, wincing at the cold floor as his feet shuffled across it. He opened the door silently and only a crack before he poked his head out and scanned the hallway. It was only faintly lit by the now dark blue sky. Nobody was there, much to his surprise. He'd expect to see Meirin or Finny running around mumbling about "messing up" or an "accident". He slipped out of the doorway and closed it receiving a small _click_ in response, telling him it was closed all the way. He tip-toed down the hallway to the staircase, where he saw Sebastian standing at the end of it, running his gloveless hand through his hair. Ciel decided he'd wait and see what the noise was before asking the man himself. He waited a few minutes before he saw a small, blurry, black dot run across the floor in front of Sebastian. Sebastian immediately chased after it as it ran back across the floor again.

Ciel looked a little closer, trying to tell what it was, though it was clearly a _cat._ _–Wait.. A cat? As in c.a.t? Cat? CAT? _Ciel ran out from his hiding spot quickly and hurried down the stairs, fuming. Sebastian had finally caught the small kitten and was holding it against his chest, _purring_. Isn't the cat the one that's supposed to purr?

"What the hell is that _thing_?!" Ciel yelled frustratingly, almost pulling out his own hair as he glared at his butler.

"This _thing_, young master, is a stray cat."

"Well then what's it doing in my house?!"

"_Meow.. meeeeow.. meow, meow, me-" _

"Oh God. Shut it up!" Ciel whimpered, covering his ears.

"But it's.. cute." Sebastian said quietly, looking down at the ball of fur in his hands and smiling.

"No, it isn't. It's disgusting, loud, and annoying. Get rid of it!"

"But-"

"I'm serious, Sebastian." This time Ciel wasn't freaking out, his facial expression was serious and his tone sounded quite threatening.

"Why don't you try holding and petting it before you decide it isn't cute?"

"Because I already know I hate it. I hate _all_ cats."

"Then maybe we shouldn't be lovers. You know, cat people don't go well with dog people." Sebastian stated it as if he was telling the youth something important and educational as he fingered the kitten's paw and wiggled his hips a little while grinning.

"Do you really need to bring something like that up?"

"I was just saying."

"Get rid of it."

"Fine." The butler made his way to the big wooden doors across from where Ciel stood and gave the boy a sad look before opening one of the doors slowly. Ciel stared, a bit enviously, as Sebastian kissed the kitten's nose and set it down outside, scratching its little head before frowning and closing the door. Once he turned around, to find that Ciel was already wrapping his arms around the demon's waist, staring innocently up at the demon. _Since when was Ciel so affectionate and bipolar? _Even though the position was awkward, due to who was in the position, Ciel's expression was still cold and determined. Ciel would make sure he at least got a little more attention than that tiny animal Sebastian had been admiring before. He pressed his chin against the man's chest and rubbed his hips against Sebastian's groin, shocking the man and causing him to blush a little. Ciel smiled as he admired his work, thrusting his pelvis forward a bit, causing a soft moan to escape the demon's lips. _This is too easy_.

"Kiss me." Ciel whispered softly, a little ashamed of his own words. Sebastian nodded slowly, leaning down, and then pressed his lips against the boy's gently. The kiss was slow and soft, it lasted for about a minute before someone gasped, catching their attention. They both looked over in the direction they thought they heard it from, to see Bard in the kitchen doorway glaring at them. Ciel pulled away from the demon and looked away, blushing. "Why are you up so early?" He mumbled.

"I-I-I thought I'd make breakfast early this time to make up for l-last time." Sebastian looked at both of them then fixed his sleeves before clearing his throat.

"Well then, what are you doing standing there?" Sebastian made it clear in the tone of his voice that it wasn't actually a question, but a demand to get on with it. Bard quickly turned around and stiffly walked back into the kitchen as the kitchen door slowly closed. Ciel looked at Sebastian, embarrassment and anger shown in his expression. "Wasn't my fault." The demon shrugged then slowly turned and walked away. Leaving a more than frustrated Ciel alone. Ciel huffed then stomped up the stairs and back to his room, where he slid back into his comfortable bed and slowly fell asleep still scolding himself for his previous actions.

* * *

Sebastian didn't bother opening the curtains that morning, they had been left open anyway, he only walked straight to the side of the bed where he shook the sleeping boy gently.

"Young master." He whispered in the youth's ear. When that didn't work, he bit the boy's ear lobe causing the boy's eyes to snap open before he blushed. Sebastian grinned then pulled the covers off of the boy. "Time to wake up." Ciel sat up slowly, eying his butler cautiously.

"You didn't have to wake me up that way."

"Nothing else would work." He shrugged.

"Sure." Truth was, the demon only wanted to be as physical as possible, just to see the boy look as vulnerable as he looked the first time he kissed him. "Why isn't Meirin here to wake me again? Is she too '_busy' _again?" Ciel once again pulled himself into sitting position on his bed, waiting for his butler to undress him.

"Yes, she is." Sebastian replied sarcastically as he began pulling the boy's nightgown over his head. Once it was off and thrown almost carelessly on the bed, Sebastian bent down on one knee. He studied every inch of the boy's naked form slowly and Ciel only stared at him back. Yes, Ciel had noticed the butler didn't bother getting his clothes to change him before stripping him, and was kneeling in front of him for no reason whatsoever besides to look at him like a piece of meat. Suddenly, Sebastian placed one if his hands on the boy's shoulder, and slowly pushed him back down on his bed while climbing on top of him. While straddling the boy's hips, he looked down into Ciel's eyes while brushing the stray pieces of hair out of his face before roughly pressing his lips against the boy's once more. Ciel only moaned softly before kissing back and wrapping his arms around the demon's neck. After that kiss ended, more kisses were shared. And by each passing second, the kisses and caresses became more desperate and rushed. The demon's coat and shirt were being torn off quickly and roughly while warm hands ran up and down the youth's exposed body. Soft hair was pulled back, leaning the youth's head back as the demon licked and nibbled roughly on the boy's neck while he struggled to pull his own pants off. Once the pants were shed, Ciel wrapped his legs around the man's well-defined hips as the other swirled his tongue around the boy's nipple, nipping at it every now and then causing loud moans to escape his lips.

Sebastian's erection began to throb painfully once the youth had lifted his hips up off the bed and grinded them against the demon's. Not hesitating any longer, he looked back up at the boy and positioned himself in between the youth's pale thighs, forgetting about preparation all together. He stared intensely into Ciel's eyes as he slowly slid inside him. Once Ciel took in a sharp breath while arching his back in pain and pleasure, the demon pressed his lips back against his, before tracing them with the tip of his tongue. Sebastian gripped Ciel's bottom lip between his teeth, tugging gently while beginning slow thrusts in and out of the beautiful boy beneath him.

It wasn't long before the demon's pace began quickening, as more muffled moans filled the room. Ciel turned his head to the side, gasping for air as his hair stuck to his sweaty forehead.

"This is wrong.." He moaned out breathlessly, squeezing his eyes shut.

"We're only making this right, _we_ will never be wrong." The demon growled in response, on the brink of release. Ciel gasped and looked back at Sebastian once the demon had pulled out of him completely, then with all his force, thrust back in. Ciel grabbed a handful of the demon's silky black hair before breathing out the demon's name repeatedly. It only took a few more thrusts before both boys came and Sebastian slid out of him. His skin was coated with sweat and he was breathing heavily while Ciel was still gasping for air, a mixture of semen and sweat covering his torso. "That.. was for earlier."

* * *

After Sebastian had dressed himself quietly, trying to avoid waking the sleeping boy up, he had gone down stairs to inform the others that the boy would stay in his room for the day.

A few hours later, Ciel woke up tucked in bed, back in his nightgown. _Had any of that actually happened?_ He looked over at his nightstand where his eye patch sat, still untouched next to a folded piece of paper. He grabbed it quickly, sitting up, and unfolded it. _'You fell asleep before I could tell you I love you.'_ He smiled, his heart beating quickly and loudly in his chest. He set the paper down where it was before, then grabbed his eye patch and tied it over his eye, before getting up and searching for an outfit. He'd take a bath later, he felt like going out, even though the sun was about the set.

After he dressed himself, he walked downstairs, to find Sebastian in the library dusting off a couple things.

"I wish to go for a walk." Ciel demanded loud enough to catch the man's attention. He turned around and looked at the boy, a smile graced his thin lips.

"Very well. But why at such a late hour, young master?"

"Doesn't matter. Let's go." Sebastian was used to the random requests. Ciel was still a child, whether he wished to believe it or not. He set down his cleaning supplies and walked to the front door, where he grabbed his master's coat and his own. They didn't have time to call for a carriage, so they'd probably only walk a little distance from the mansion.

They both walked aimlessly in silence, Sebastian walking behind the smaller boy, staring at the youth's small hips, which seemed to swing a little side to side, teasing him. It had only been a couple minutes before Ciel stopped dead in his tracks, he seemed startled. Sebastian looked up ahead to find Ash walking gracefully towards them. They were too far from the mansion to simply turn around and walk back so Sebastian moved to his master's side, ready to confront the fallen angel.

"Both out for a walk, neh?" The angel spat out rudely, while leaning down, face to face with Ciel. He didn't receive a reply, only a cold stare. "I came to collect what is truly mine."

"And what's that?" The angel's eyes shifted to look at the taller man standing next to the youth, smiling mischievously.

"You should already know, earl."

"I won't allow it. I believe Sebastian denied your offer before, why continue to pester us?"

"I believe that was a lie. He _did_ accept." Ciel looked up at Sebastian, shocked, only to see the demon staring ahead of him emotionlessly. If the demon wouldn't defend himself, Ciel had to. He wouldn't allow things to go from so good to so terribly bad. He stepped in front of the man and shoved the end of his cane ahead of him, which shoved itself into the angel's abdomen, causing him to step back.

"I won't allow it."

"I never asked for your permission, Ciel Phantomhive."

"Who said you didn't need it? Sebastian has a contract with me, he can't leave my side until it's finished."

"That isn't true." Ciel wasn't expecting those words to come from Sebastian, and he hesitated admitting that they had.

"What are you saying?" Ciel turned around to ask his butler face-to-face.

"I _am_ capable of leaving your side before the contract is fulfilled. The only thing stopping me is the fact I get something in return for _not_ leaving." Ciel was on the verge of tears as he tilted his head to the side, then shook it. Did that mean Sebastian wished to leave? Why hadn't he known all this _before_?

"But you won't."

"I can't promise you that, _Ciel_." Ciel shoved the demon away from him, tears trailing down his cheeks. How could a day like this end with his lover leaving?

"No! You won't. Y-You said you loved me. You said.. " Sebastian glanced down at Ciel, still expressionless, even though deep inside he was hurting more than he could bear. Why was he doing this anyway? That's right. He _had_ accepted, and he knew he couldn't begin a contract with one of the opposite kind and break it off. He had begun a contract with an angel, that couldn't be compared to the contract he had with Ciel.

"As much as I'd like to watch this little scene of yours, I want to get going." Ash interrupted. Ciel turned around quickly, once again shaking his head. "Yes." The angel stepped closer and the boy placed his hands on the angel's chest, trying to stop his advances. That's when the angel had had enough and flung Ciel to the side. The boy landed on the side of the road, hitting his head on a rock. Sebastian went wide eyed when he saw the boy's eyes close slowly, blood streaming down from the top of the rock where his lover's head had landed. He ran towards the angel, beginning to cry himself. What if Ciel was dead? What if Ciel died with the demon's words concerning his departure still running through his head? He never wanted it to end like that. The angel and demon collided, throwing punches at each other quickly with inhuman speed. "Just seal it and I'll leave!" Ash yelled as he flew back, landing a few feet away after almost an hour of trying to win Sebastian over with no progress.

"Why? Why would you do all this just so you could seal the contract with me? I thought you wanted to take me." Sebastian was growing weak, he was gasping for air and still crying.

"I didn't plan on taking you until later on." Ash laughed.

"Why'd you tell him you would?! Why.." The angel slowly moved towards Sebastian, he placed his pale hands on the demon's tear-streaked cheeks, and moved his lips towards the other's. This was the best chance he had, when Sebastian was vulnerable the most. Once their lips touched, Ciel's eyes slowly slid open, only to focus on the two figures a few feet away from him. The sight of his former lover _kissing_ the fallen angel made him sick to his stomach and had its own skillful way of breaking his heart.

;__;

_Okay. So.. The reason the sex was so rushed and rough is because the whole vibe o___o; was that they both were expressing the anger and impatience they had felt all that time when they couldn't do what they were doing. I had difficulty with the ending. I didn't know how to get things to work out. So Ciel isn't dead, of course, and Sebastian realizes that later on. Yes, Sebastian had accepted an offer a couple months before when Ash invited him to 'join' her/him. You'll find out about that in flashbacks. Not a lot of side-characters involved in this one but we'll get Gil and the gang back into it and the story will also kind of be like the real kuroshitsuji. Despite the problems between Ciel and Sebastian. This was rushed, done in under and hour. So I hope you didn't expect too much. Tell me what you think. I almost cried when Sebastian tells Ciel he didn't really have to stay with him xD. I was like "NOOOO", but then I realized how stupid I was being. _

_RandR? _


	10. You're A Terrible Butler

_Okay, my lovely readers, this chapter is written differently. The scenes go from flashbacks to present. And on top of that, it's only fragments. You will find out how they acted around each other right after the kiss and before the break-up, just not in this chapter. We're almost at the end now. But don't worry c; Staying Sane Inside Insanity will be posted right after I'm done with this one. Only because I don't like waiting for things like that, so .__. Yeah. _

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this? _

_I always make mistakes, I know. So don't mind 'em. _

_Song is: Second Chances by Paper Route. _

;__;

Sebastian knew very well what he had said was unforgivable. So why was he so disappointed when Ciel told him their relationship was nothing? He didn't know. Had he expected the worst but hoped for the best? He had carried the boy's almost lifeless body back to the mansion that night, the angel's kiss still lingering disgustingly on his thin lips. Why had he let that happen? He never wanted that. Why had he led the boy on just to break him down merely hours later? Why had he told Ciel he couldn't promise that he'd stay by his side, when really, he would have if that's what Ciel wanted. But Ciel did want that, he had, he would have always wanted it if he hadn't broken the boy's heart. He seemed to muster up all the hatred inside of him just so he could express it when the demon was in his presence now. Sebastian was still confused about how Ciel had come to the conclusion that a nice "break-up" gift and replacement for himself was Chibi, the cat, who Sebastian had been playing with before Ciel took a step closer to him, admitting he wanted to be with him. Even now, almost a month later, he'd re-live that night a week after he kissed the angel.

* * *

"_I don't see how I thought this would work." Ciel stated coldly, not even looking at the demon._

"_What are you saying?" _

"_I'm saying I don't want to love you anymore and I don't want to pretend that you love me back." _

"_I do love you, Ciel."_

"_I believe when you love someone, you do what you can to make them happy, to keep them with you. You didn't seem like you were trying at all when you told me you'd leave!" Ciel turned around, slamming his hands down on the desk that was now in front of him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his eyes seemed empty. Sebastian knew at this point, he couldn't get the boy back. _

"_I didn't mean tha-" _

"_You __**did**__. Why try, Sebastian? Huh? Why even attempt to tell me that what you said that night, what you seemed so sure about, wasn't true? It was a lie, really? There was no reason to lie." _

"_I can give you everything you want, Ciel. Just __**don't**__ do this." Sebastian took a step forward, only to have Ciel move away from him. _

"_You make it sound like it's something truly difficult, when, really, it's so easy." _

"_How so?" _

"_Because I've grown to only want __**you**__, Sebastian." _

"_You can have m-" _

"_No. Sebastian, I already __**had**__ you. And guess what. I lost you in less than 24 hours." _

"_You never lost me! Don't try turning this thing around and blaming it all on me! You're the one telling me that you don't want to do this, that you don't want me. And that's not even the worst part. You're also telling me how I feel and what I want, when you aren't me! You have no right to tell me how I feel."_

"_How am I supposed to believe otherwise? Your actions seem to prove this was only a joke. A sick, stupid, joke." _

"_You know very well my actions didn't prove that." _

"_Maybe not. But I'm positive that your actions did prove that you planned on leaving. The only thing keeping you at my side is the fact you'll get something in return, neh? Doesn't sound like you care about me at all." _

"_Ciel.." _

"_Sebastian, listen. We're not going to continue this little.. affair of ours. If you have a problem with that, you can leave. If you don't want to leave, finish the contract. I think the fact I seem to only be creating more problems for myself proves I shouldn't have tried getting revenge in the first place." _

"_Do you regret this? If I stay, do you think we could try again?" _

"_I don't regret anything. And maybe." _

"_It's a yes or no question, Ciel." _

"_Yes. We will try again if you stay and still want to." _

"_How long?" _

"_Hm?" _

"_How long until then?" _

"_A while."

* * *

_

After that, things seem to go back to normal, meaning the normal before they had admitted their feelings for each other. Things were going well until, that is, Gilbert came back a month after he had left for his mother's funeral. Sebastian had been preparing the tea while Ciel was in the other room, his arms wrapped around the other man's body, trying to comfort him.

* * *

"_I should have been there.." _

"_You didn't know." _

"_But-" _

"_Sh." Ciel was running his small fingers through the man's hair. His mind wasn't actually set on the current situation, but the tea that seemed to take a very long time to be prepared. Gilbert suddenly sat back up, pulling away from Ciel. He looked at Ciel with red eyes, then slowly leaned in closer. Ciel had expected the man to break down in his arms again, but was surprised when the man kissed him softly. Too shocked to pull away, he sat there frozen as the man in front of him ravished his lips. _

_That's when Sebastian chose to finally walk in with the tea. His eyes went wide when he saw the two sitting there having their own personal make-out session. Overwhelmed by the situation he leapt over to the couch and tore Gilbert away from Ciel. He wrapped his hand around the man's neck, slamming his back against the nearest wall, choking him. Ciel got up quickly, grabbing the demon's arm, attempting to stop him._

"_You're going to kill him, Sebastian! Let him go!" But he continued, ignoring the cries from his former lover. _

"_How am I supposed to believe we can fix things between us when you're already finding someone else?"_

"_I __**order**__ you to let him go." Ciel's arms dropped to his sides, he looked Sebastian in the eyes. _

"_You think that'll work now?" Sebastian swiftly let go of his victim, then quickly grabbed Ciel by the neck. "You're a liar, young master." Gilbert slid down the wall, rubbing his neck while staring at the two above him. Ciel didn't seem to be struggling at all, he only smiled softly which seemed to infuriate the demon even more. _

"_I am."

* * *

_

Sebastian had let go of his master, huffing, then turned on his heel and left. Ciel only followed after. When at the staircase, Sebastian turned around to see Ciel, still smiling. His hair was slightly messy, his eye patch barely clinging to his head. Sebastian knew very well that the situation wouldn't end well at all.

"I want you to leave, Sebastian." Sebastian wanted nothing more than for that smile to disappear. It wasn't a true smile, not at all, it was a smile expressing the disappointment, anger, and pain his lover felt.

"You want me to leave?"

"Yes, I never want to see you again."

"Why?"

"You're a terrible butler."

"What about-"

"It's for the best." In Sebastian's opinion, the boy was a good liar. The way he could tell him he never wanted to see him again, then say it'd be for the best, with honesty still marking its place in his tone.

"How can you say that?"

"It's only the _truth."_

"Have you already forgotten what you told me the other night? When you love someone, you do everything you can to keep them with you. Now you're trying to get rid of me when you know you love me."

"I thought I lied about loving you in the first place?"

"You wouldn't have cried if you didn't love me, Ciel. You wouldn't have gone out of your way to make me jealous."

"You're right."

"So why are you asking me to leave?"

"Because you've gone too far. I know I can stop loving you, I'm sure. And that's what I plan on doing." Sebastian didn't reply, he knew if he did, he'd only make things worse. He turned around and walked away, missing the hurt expression the boy had.

;__;

_Okay, I'm a little bit more confident about this one since I had a few people read it before I posted it. Most said this was their favorite. My dad (Yes, I let my father read some of the chapters that are sex-less) said it wasn't general, that it showed how both characters expressed their feelings without me telling you guys exactly how they felt. So, I believe this is one of my better chapters. I hope you liked it. I'll update either later today or tomorrow. O; _

_R&R? It inspires me._


	11. Should've Known You'd Bring Me Heartache

_**The first flashback is when Sebastian accepted the first time, it wasn't after he had left because Ciel told him to. Okay? Okay. The fire was like it had been in the anime, except Sebastian agreed and Ciel never got shot. And Sebastian did come back without an excuse for leaving him in France alone. We'll find out why he did that later. **_

_This chapter is, indeed, only fragments of the two years without Sebastian. You'll find out more about those two years later. I only wrote what I thought was important. And yes, Ciel wouldn't talk to anyone besides Tanaka because obviously he had to. Only about 2-4 more chapters to go, my loves. _

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this? _

_I'm sorry for all the mistakes._

_Song is: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. _

_;___;_

"_Why aren't you with your master now?" _

"_Because I don't have a master." Sebastian was lying, he did have one. Ciel was still his master, they still had a contract. He didn't know what had led him to leave the boy's side, or why he ended up standing next to the man dressed in all white. _

"_I'd offer you to join me again, but I'm sure you don't wish to do so, even though you've finally gotten off your knees and left the poor ignorant child." _

"_I accept." _

"_You accept?" The angel turned to look at his opposite, whom was standing next to him, looking down at the many humans running in packs below. Besides the people below screaming and the angel's rather smooth voice, all the demon could hear were the snaps and crackles from the fire that had been spread throughout the city. He looked up, tearing his eyes away from the one boy he had been watching for the past 5 minutes, and looked at Ash, nodding briefly before turning back to watch Ciel again. But Ciel was gone, he wasn't there anymore. Reality hit him at that moment, he had just formed a contract with a fallen angel. If Ash told anyone, especially Luci, and Sebastian dropped out, he would be executed. __**A demon who has stepped into the light from the darkness can never return to the darkness.**__ That line reminded him of Ciel. Ciel always told himself and others that something that was lost could never be regained. Had Ciel lost Sebastian? Did that mean the boy would never have his butler back? Or would Sebastian prove the boy wrong?

* * *

_

That was the last time Ciel ever saw his demonic butler. He woke up late the next morning with a pain heaving in his small chest. He had dreamt that he had never told Sebastian to leave, that things had gone well instead of bad. That was the first time Ciel admitted to himself that he had regretted something he had done. He regretted not trying to work things out. But Ciel was torn apart; trying to make the right decision was more difficult than it needed to be. But how could you expect Ciel to know whether what he had done was right or wrong? He had never loved anyone before, he had no experience with those types of situations. Ciel felt like he had been with Sebastian for longer than a few hours, he felt as if it had been years. And really, he actually had been with Sebastian for years, just not like that. He wondered how it lasted that long. Why every time Ciel thought things were over, Sebastian always had a way to prove him wrong. It was as if the demon had been making up excuses, just so he could stay by his side. When Ciel saw Sebastian attack Gilbert, he wanted to tell Sebastian what he had seen a month before, he wanted to tell Sebastian he had no right. Gilbert had kissed him, Sebastian had kissed Ash. But he chose not to, he chose to keep it all in. He chose to just let the demon continue believing he was only upset because of his hurtful words. After a while, when Sebastian had wrapped his hand around the boy's neck, the boy decided it was enough. That was the first time ever since they made love that the demon had touched him. How could someone go from loving touches, to touches meant to kill? He felt empty all together when the demon told him he was simply a liar. He didn't feel the need to disagree and tell the truth, that Gilbert had kissed him against his will. He didn't feel pain, he didn't feel love, he didn't feel anything _at all. _And he continued feeling empty until the demon simply walked away, after everything he had said. He didn't expect the man to give up so easily. And he certainly didn't expect to wake up to the man's absence the next day. He never wanted Sebastian to actually listen to him, so why had he ordered him to leave in the first place? He didn't know. Everything seemed to take its toll now, as the regret and pain started caving in on him, suffocating him and draining all sense of life had felt when the man was around out of his very soul.

But the boy knew he had to move on, sulking about it wouldn't fix a thing. He got up that morning, he ate breakfast, he went into town, he came home, he studied, he ate dinner, and he went back to bed. And he didn't do anything more the day after. His daily activities became a job, a perfect repeat of what he had done the day before. And he only spoke briefly every morning to Tanaka, the one who was Sebastian's lame replacement. Gilbert tried hard to get him to smile, to talk to him, but every time, he'd just walk away. Gilbert decided it'd be best if he moved in, so he did. Ciel still did nothing and said nothing. A year had passed before Ciel finally opened up and said something back to the man.

* * *

"_Why don't you ever talk?" _

"_Because I have nothing to say." The boy's voice was deeper than it had been a year ago, it was a bit husky. _

"_You talked!" Gilbert couldn't express how happy he was when his comment made the youth smile slightly.

* * *

_

After that, they both continued talking about nothing in particular. They kept talking for hours, and Gilbert had never been so happy to hear the short responses Ciel would always give in return to his long rants. The day after, Ciel seemed more alive. He talked to Gilbert and talked to Meirin. And it continued that way, each day he'd talk more, he'd say something to one more person. Gilbert was always at his side, and he had to admit that it made him happy. He began to grow attached to the man as the year went by quicker than it had begun. At first Ciel had blamed the man for Sebastian's departure. Even though he knew very well it wasn't his fault at all. Ciel could have explained himself, but he didn't, that was his mistake. The more time he spent just looking at Gilbert, the more he forgot his former butler. He stopped waking up crying or screaming, he stopped lying awake for hours thinking about the demon's face, his touches, his few I love yous. But he still couldn't help but wonder why the man had given up so easily, why he hadn't tried at all. Could it be that he was right when he said Sebastian didn't actually care?

_;__;_

_Short, I know. I decided to divide this in two. The next two chapters won't be like this, but more detailed about the things going on. I hope you liked it._

_R&R? It inspires me. ;D _


	12. Just Come Back To Me

'_Kay, my lovely readers. I had some messages and a review about wanting to know how Sebastian felt throughout the departure, so I wrote this just for you guys, even if it isn't that great. This is all of his thoughts/feelings throughout that one year added up. The song lyrics are from Second Chance by Paper Route. Also, this is kind of.. repeated, it's Sebastian trying to make up different excuses to not love Ciel, hoping he'll stop. Nothing happens in this chapter so it might be boring and crap. But this is only a request. Nothing happens during that year for Sebastian, he only sits there in the woods and thinks about stuff, going over the same things. __**So if you aren't interested in that, don't read it.**_

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this?_

_Ignore the mistakes._

_:D Enjoy._

_;____;_

_Ahh ahh  
Can you place yourself in a moment's notice, in my situation?_

That night, I waited. I waited for him to come for me, even though I knew he didn't know where I was. I remember the feeling of the rain beating against my bare skin; I had never felt so cold. And I had never felt so worn down while just standing there.

What was I supposed to do? I changed for him, I did everything I could, I tried to be better, but it wasn't enough. He asked me to leave because he didn't want to love me anymore. He didn't have to love me, I didn't feel like that's what I needed. What I did feel like I needed was to stay by his side, to be with him through the thick and thin. But I ruined that.

_Increasingly you've made me cold and afraid,  
a lonely companion._

I thought he loved me, I thought he'd fall in love with me. And it seemed like that was what our fate was at first, but he changed his mind. I don't know why simple words changed all of it. It ended what had been going on for years, and it led me to this place. This place where nobody comes, where there is nothing but the trees, the sky, and the ground, and it isn't where I belong, but I'm here. I'm still here waiting, waiting for him to notice what he's missing, even though I know he won't be coming for me.

_Apparently love runs on one way courses,  
away from contentment._

What am I doing anyway? What's the point of waiting for something I know won't come? There's nothing to prove except that he's happier without me, that he doesn't need me. But I don't want that to be proven to me, I want to be able to walk away and lie to myself. I want to tell myself he'll search, he'll follow, and he'll be here. I want to believe he does love me, he always did and he always will. There's no one else for him, but me. And that's the only way I can be satisfied.

_Or maybe there's anger that can't be expressed,  
that fuels your resentment._

I wish I would have stayed a bit longer. I wish I would have told him how I felt, the reasons for my actions, everything. I wish I had told him everything. And I hope he knows I'm not skipping around right now in joy, but sitting on a branch, in a tree, in the middle of the night, waiting for him. And if he ever does show up, I want to tear him apart. I want him to feel every little feeling I've felt throughout this failure of a relationship. And even though I don't want what's best for the kid, I still can't bring myself to regret what we had or the fact I fell in love with him and at least tried to make him feel the same way.

_If you gave me a chance to show you,  
would I come back and show you?_

I wonder if I went back, if he'd run into my arms and tell me he was sorry. He should be sorry. I mean, I didn't even do that much, did I? It's not like I screwed everything up. I only did what I had to do to survive. I told nothing but the truth. You can't be angry at someone for doing that, can you? He can't hate me for that. Even if he's young, he's a lot more mature than anyone would expect. And someone who is mature, doesn't hate someone for telling them the truth. I want to go back more than anything though. I want to go back and show him I love him, I want to prove to him that I would stay by his side, even if it'd mean that'd be the end of me. But would he let me?

_If you gave me a chance to love you,  
could I come back and love you?_

Even though I hate that I love him now, I wonder if we could go back to loving the feeling of the way we felt. Both of us, together, until the end, would that have been able to make us happy? Or was he right? Was it only a joke? We both could have been lying without really knowing it. We could have been lying to ourselves, until there was no more room left to believe otherwise. But if that were true, why do I feel so empty inside? Why do I hope that soon enough, I'll be in his room, running my fingertips across his pale skin, kissing his soft pink lips, whispering sinful things in his ear and telling him I'll never let him go, and that he'll always be mine?

_I gave you everything, but I couldn't give enough.  
Then you threw stones at me  
and said that they were thrown in love._

And now that I'm walking away, lying to myself that I'll never come back, I wonder what I could have done that I hadn't. I gave him all I had, I tried my best, but it still wasn't enough. How greedy can he possibly be? Is he really ignorant enough to believe I could have done more than I had? I told him I loved him and that I'd wait, and he only broke my heart by telling me he would make sure that he didn't love me anymore once I was gone. And that's not even the worst part, he also gave me no choice. He didn't tell me I could stay and stop him from getting over me, he ordered me to leave and to never come back.

_Turns out that I don't really love you at all,  
'cause love would find forgiveness._

But what if it was for the best? What if it is better that we're not together? That I'm not there and he's not here. Maybe I should try not loving him. Obviously his love wasn't enough to make him forgive me, he wasn't willing to do what he could to keep me with him. And he had said that was what someone would do if they loved another. He's hypocritical. Or maybe he isn't, maybe it was just revenge. Maybe I'm only feeling what he had felt when I told him I couldn't promise I'd be there for him.

_Save your ammunition for somebody else,  
I'm all second chances._

But even if it is revenge, he didn't have to tell me he never wanted to see me again. I never said I didn't want to see him and that I didn't want to stay by his side. He hurt me more than I'd ever be able to hurt him.

_Nothing's good, nothing's right, but I love you._

But even after all of this, I know I'll be back. I've been sitting around waiting for him for a year, and now it's time I try to get over all of this. Even though I know it won't work and that I'll only be coming back to watch him more and wait for him where I know if he looks hard enough, he'll find me. I will always love him and I will always want him, even when he's really out of reach. And I've never been as sure about something as I am about that.

_;__;_

_It's no masterpiece. Pretty short, I'd say. I hope you guys liked it anyway. Few more chapters to go!_

_R&R? It inspires me ;D_


	13. You're Here

_This chapter is kind of written in Ciel's pov. But it's him looking back in the past and telling the story. The next chapter should be the last. Sorry this one isn't all that good, I tried my best. At least the dream was a little… o__o; horrific. The song I was listening to was: Come back to me by Trading Yesterday. _

_Anyway, this chapter skips a lot of things and only tells you about some things. Ciel still believed he loved Gilbert throughout this chapter, all the way until the end. He only noticed he didn't until he was older. Okay? Okay._

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this?_

_Don't mind the mistakes. _

_;___;_

"I don't know why he left." I replied quietly, not even thinking about what and who I was talking about.

"What do you mean? You walked out with him that night."

"I don't know." If only it was easy to lie about this.

"Whatever..."

"Sure." I shifted in my seat, still staring down at the patterns on the carpeted floor.

"I want you to know..." Gilbert began; I could tell he was nervous by the tone of his voice. I waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"What?"

"W-Well, what I was going to say was… I want you to know, Ciel, that I'll always be here with you. I'll never leave you… And I love you." _What did he just say?_ _I-I love you? Nobody has said that since.. _I looked up at him, only to find out that it wasn't Gilbert who was sitting across from me anymore, it was Sebastian. _But why would Sebastian be here? I haven't thought of him for months… H-He isn't here. It's just me. But why am I imagining Sebastian? I should only be seeing Gilbert, I love him. _

"I love you too, Se-Gilbert." Sebastian slightly smiled, before his face became a smudged blur, slowly turning back into Gilbert's face. The smile, the eyes, everything seemed wrong. Gilbert's smile wasn't as unique and gorgeous as Sebastian's, his eyes… -Well, his eyes were just not right. Sebastian's always gave me butterflies, he'd always look at me with so much want burning in those red eyes, but Gilbert only looked at me like I was something he longed for that he didn't deserve. It made me depressed instead of happy.

See, now that I'm older, I realized I was only telling myself I loved that man. I never did and even if he had stuck around, I wouldn't have begun to either. I thought, maybe, just maybe if I could erase the demon from my memories I could move on. And I thought Gilbert was a tool fit for that. I thought, "Maybe if I can make new memories, old ones will fade." But I was wrong. Gilbert was a friend. Him and I… we just didn't belong.

I mumbled a simple "goodnight" that night and went up to my room. I changed myself, since I preferred it that way and I slipped into bed. The image of Sebastian's smiling face haunted my thoughts; I thought I'd never get to sleep. But after an hour of lying there, my eyes began to feel heavy. It wasn't long before I fell asleep. And what sleep brought me was something unforgettable and painful.

__

_Someone else was in my bed; I knew that before I even opened my eyes. But nobody slept in my bed besides me? _

_The sheets ruffled as the person turned over, an almost silent groan escaped their lips. They sound a lot like Sebastian... Their skin was pressed roughly against the left side of my exposed body; it felt like the contact was burning holes in my skin. Soft fingers moved to my forehead, brushing stray pieces of hair behind my ear and he sighed while admiring my fake sleeping face._

"_I know you're awake." It was Sebastian. His voice was soft, like it had always been. I opened my eyes slowly to see him propped up on his elbows, belly down, next to me, smiling like he was the happiest person alive. I was surprised, but that didn't stop the same type of smile spreading across my face. He slid up closer to me, so our faces were only inches apart and his eyes grew a little darker as he looked down at my lips. Animalistic lust and desire filled those eyes, and it made me shiver. _

"_Why are you here?" My voice did a pathetic job at hiding the nervousness and astonishment I was feeling at the time. He frowned in confusing, looking back into my eyes. _

"_What do you mean?" _

"_W-Why are you here? You left… You've been gone… for so long…" I looked down at my exposed abdomen, and then looked back up at him. The moonlight seemed to make his beautiful features more pronounced. I looked closer, his lips were slightly chapped but still gorgeous and his hair was slightly longer, messy but still perfect. When I looked back into his eyes, I realized the desire and lust had disappeared, now replaced with longing and sorrow. I couldn't stand to look at him like that, so I turned away. I noticed Gilbert sitting in the corner of the room in a chair I didn't remember putting there. He had this look… like his life was flashing right before his eyes over and over. Sebastian cupped my cheek and turned my head so I was face-to-face with him again._

"_I'm here… I always will be…" _

"_Why is Gilbert here?" _

"_You are mine." _

"_What's wrong with him?" Sebastian still didn't answer. It was like I wasn't even talking. He was still looking in my eyes with that painful expression present. "Where are you?" I didn't even know why I asked, he was right there in front of me._

"_I'm here." _

"_No you aren't, you're gone. You have been for over a year."_

"_If you'd look, then you'd find me." Sebastian's hand dropped on to my chest and I turned my face to look back at Gilbert, who wasn't even there anymore. All that was left was the chair, soaked in blood. Worried, I looked at Sebastian, blood was splattered across his face, and a mischievous smile replaced that innocent smile that had been there before. He brought his hand up to my face again, it also covered with blood, and he rubbed his fingertips across my lips, smearing the blood across them. I moaned softly, feeling amazing but still so terribly wrong. I felt like everything that was happening was wrong, I was wrong, and he was wrong. _

"_You like it?" He whispered softly before licking my lips. I nodded slowly as I blushed slightly. "You should. It's __**his**__ blood." For some reason, I knew who he was talking about, but didn't know at the same time. He ran his blood-coated hands all over my body, causing me to shiver slightly. Bloody handprints covered my skin after he was done and finally moved his face closer to mine, pressing his lips softly against mine. _

____

I woke up sweating and terrified. I looked around, and noticed it was still dark out. I got up quickly, not bothering to put on my slippers and I ran out of my room.

"_I'm here… I always will be…" _

I ran frantically down the barely lit hallways of my mansion, searching for the demon in every room. But each time I'd realize he wasn't in one room, it felt like the harder it was to carry myself to the next and a part of me was dying. _He isn't here. _

"_If you'd look, then you'd find me."_

I picked up my pace; I looked in every single room, and then re-checked after I was finally done. He was still nowhere to be found. What I had noticed was that Gilbert wasn't in his room, he wasn't… anywhere.

I dropped to my knees, not being able to keep myself up anymore and quietly cried. I cried until I felt like there was nothing left inside of me. I cried away the disappointment, the longing, the shock, and the pain. When I felt like I couldn't cry anymore, I returned to my room, where I stayed awake until the sun rose.

The next day was like the first day without Sebastian. It was like the man found a way to catch me right when I was beginning to feel better, to send me back to stage one. But what happened that night was what was different.

For starters, I realized Gilbert hadn't been around all day. And I also felt like there was someone else's presence replacing his. I had snuck into Tanaka's room, which was once Sebastian's, that night and asked him if he'd seen anyone suspicious around the mansion. Of course it was a stupid idea, all he said was "Ho ho ho." So I gave up and went back to my room. I had finally fallen asleep after about an hour, which was typical. But I woke up three hours later, cold air ghosting its way over the surface of my skin, almost freezing me half to death. I was sweating and the bed had been stripped of its sheets, the window wide open and the shadow of someone sitting on the window sill. The curtains covered the person's entire figure. I didn't feel the need to scream or be afraid though. I only sat up and stared at the figure, waiting for them to show themselves. But they never did, they only disappeared. I got out of bed and went to the window, looking outside, trying to spot the person that was in my room only moments ago, but saw nothing.

That person came every single night, I woke up to the same feeling and the bed stripped over and over again. It wasn't until a month later that I realized who it had to be…

___

_I woke up to the usual, freezing cold and sweating. He was there, watching me. I looked at him, then pulled myself out of bed and approached the figure slowly, not wanting him to leave. Once I reached him, I put my hand out and pressed it against the curtains that were almost see-through now up close and kept on pressing until I felt my hand touch his shoulder. I moved my hand upwards until I knew my hand was on his cheek. I felt his hand wrap around my wrist through the fabric, holding my hand there. I stepped closer and he let go of my wrist, moving away a little. _

"_Sebastian..." And then he was gone. _

____

I never saw Sebastian again after that, he stopped coming around. I went on with my life though, as if nothing had happened. I searched high and low for Gilbert; he was nowhere to be found. I missed the man, even though he was a little troublesome. Maybe he got tired of sticking around and went back home, I'd never know.

The months seem to drag on for an eternity until my 16th birthday. It was when my staff members approached me with silly grins plastered across their faces that I noticed how old I was getting. I was running out of time. I still hadn't gotten my revenge and I had wasted 3 years of my life because of the demon that stole my heart then left, taking it along with him.

I had to find a way to get my time back; I had to finish what I had begun. It was all I had left. It was all I could obtain.

;___;

_Next chapter es el finito! Iunno, you get what I mean. This chapter wasn't all that good, but oh well. Hope you enjoyed it anyway._

_R&R? It inspires me? ;D_

_-Queerdo._


	14. The New Beginning

_Verrrrrrrrrrry short, you guys. But it's the ending. It's told as if Ciel is describing what happened later on in his life. Just like the last chapter. This is the last chapter I'll be writing for Terrible Thrills. There's no valuable information that you can achieve from reading this, it's only the ONE scene for Ciel's involvement with William Spears. _

_No song for this one._

_I do not own Kuroshitsuji. If I did, why would I be writing this?_

_Don't mind the mistakes._

_;___;_

On Christmas Eve, I decided to leave my mansion. I didn't tell anyone except Meirin just so she could tell the rest of the staff members I hadn't been kidnapped or anything but left to "go to see a friend."

I pushed the thought of packing clothes aside and only dressed like I was a normal teenager, so that nobody would be suspicious about "the" Ciel Phantomhive wandering around without his butler or anyone else.

I walked for hours, which didn't really bother me, being that I wasn't really going to see a friend, but someone much more important. Only a few people noticed I at least looked like the infamous earl, but none of them did anything or asked, which I was glad about.

The journey through the forest was the most difficult, being that it was the middle of the night and I could barely see where I was going. It was about half-way through the forest that I noticed twigs snapping behind me. I turned around to see who it was, but no one was there, so I simply shrugged it off and continued.

I reached the huge library about an hour later, that's when doubt kicked in. I was about to leave when I noticed how weak I was being. I entered the library and did what I had come to do.

I slowly walked down the dimly lit hallways of the library, only looking forward. I was determined to get this over with. I could hear silent whispers coming from behind a wooden door that was barely visible, hiding behind a rack of books. It was open a crack and the scent of strawberries filled the air as I approached it. I slowly pushed it open the rest of the way. Will was sitting at a desk in a comfortable-looking red chair and Grell sat on top of the desk, his legs mounted on top of the arms of the chair. Will looked up from the book he held in his hand and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, smiling softly as I walked towards the desk. Grell only turned around when my footsteps became louder; signaling someone else was in the room. He glanced at me then looked at William, who had put down is book. Once I was in front of the desk, Will's smile had disappeared and his expression became serious.

"What brings you here, Ciel Phantomhive? We haven't seen you in a while." I laughed inwardly at his comment. A while? It had been three years. I looked down noticing the many candles that surrounded the desk and frowned. I looked back up, glancing at Grell for merely a few seconds then stood up straight as I looked at William.

"I'll make you a deal."

;___;

_Short. VERY short. Probably the shortest chapter I will ever write. ;l This one wasn't really good and doesn't explain anything. It's only the one scene that connect what happens in Terrible Thrills to Staying Sane Inside Insanity. The first chapter for Terrible Thrills 2 will be posted either today or tomorrow, I'm not sure. _

_So. THE END. Hoped you liked the story all together._

_R&R? It inspires me? ;D_


	15. AN or wutevar

Good evening.

I know it's been… ages since I last touched this story. I've been starting up a lot of other ones, then just dropping them too, butttt yeah. Through it all, I figured out Kuroshitsuji is my strong point, for whatever reason. Realistic things just… fail sometimes. O_o

Moving on, I am thinking about dismantling Terrible Thrills and redoing it differently. Of course, the same storyline will be present, but I feel like I can't continue the sequel without changing some of the unpleasant things about diz one. I know a lot of you probably like it the way it is, I understand that, so if I do end up changing it, I'm keeping this version up.

So, what I'm asking is: What do you think? I want your opinion on this decision. Maybe throw in some ideas? Whatever. xD

Much love,

Queerdo~


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